Four states in one day. I flew into Kansas City this morning to meet with the president and CEO of Xerox, Anne Mulcahy. What a great woman, a great leader. Very down to earth and very personable - she did a great job focusing on others and thanking our team for the work that we've done out there. To coincide with Anne's visit, we had a press release put out today on the project I've been working on for the past year.

I left Kansas City today at 3, and from there flew to Memphis, and from Memphis to Mobile, Alabama. I spent way too much time in airports, and on airplanes today. My hotel has a beautiful view of the bay in Mobile, looking out into the gulf and the ship-yards, but I'm stuck with dial-up access. Could be worse - at least it's 80 degrees here.

Jason taught today in the main service, and did an amazing job. He did a 10 minute talk on how easy it is for Christians to get into an "Us vs. Them" additude, and was very honest about his own journey in that area. I was really proud to see him up there doing so well, I'm just so glad he's a part of this church, in the exact role he's in. You can listen to Jason's teaching by clicking here.

Today was our fifty annual Mud Bowl. Jason did all of the setup and hard work to make it happen, since I've been out of town the fast few weeks. The weather looked like it was really gonna suck. We always do it at the end of September like this, and it's always cold or raining - UNTIL the mudbowl begins. Amazingly enough, the moment the mudbowl starts, the sun comes out right until it's over and the last person has left, at which point it rains. I'm not sure why it amazes me so much that God would change the weather just for OUR event. It seems silly to think that I wouldn't question the fact that he'd send his son to DIE on the cross for me, but I'd wonder whether he'd really change the weather for the mud bowl. We had a great time. About forty kids, most in the mud, some sat on the sidelines at which point their friends decided to help them get covered in mud. The pictures are awesome check them out. The South Lyon Herald was there again taking pictures. Erik, the photographer, actually won a national award for the pictures he took at last year's mud bowl.

This article annoyed me. More his self-righteous additude than the content itself. I can see where people who are on the pre-destination side of things are coming from, but so often I see this additude on this this issue that pisses me off. Frankly, I see the idea of predestination as a very gray area, and people can easily take either side. It just pisses me off when the other "side" points fingers, calls names and does the whole "nah-nah-nah-nah" thing. I know I'm not perfect, and I'm guilty of the same kind of additudes on other issues, but it's a lot more fun to poke fun at the wanker who wrote this article.

While working out this morning, I was listening to the tune "Hold Me Now" by Jennifer Knapp. This song just continues to hit me hard... I normally stumble across this song at a time when I need a reminder of who I am to God. I love the biblical pictures that this song uses of Jesus's interaction with Mary (Matthew 26:7-13) and the woman caught in adultery (John 8:3-11). Jesus bestowed value and grace on both of them. God, how I need that on such a regular basis. To know that even though I weak, poor and broken, I'm still God's beloved child. From there, it's a lot easier to be able to look at how God is transforming me, slowly but surely, to be less self-centered, more loving, more grace-filled. Yeah, I can still be an asshole, but less and less all the time, as God is working in me.

Check the lyrics out, and listen to the song as well:

From glass alabaster she poured out the depth of her soul
O foot of Christ would you wait if her harlotries known?
Falls a tear to darken the dirt
Of humblest offerings to forgive the hurt
She is strong enough to stand in your love
I can hear her say....
I'm weak
I'm poor
I'm broken, Lord
But I'm yours
Hold me now, hold me now
Let he without sin cast the first stone if you will
To say that my bride isn't worth half the blood that I've spilled
Point your finger and laugh if you choose
To say my beloved is borrowed and used
She is strong enough to stand in My love
I can hear her say....

My small group started back up tonight. This isn't just any small group - this is a rag-tag band of guys who are as different as any 9 guys could be - some are Christians, others are on the journey toward Jesus. Either way - it's an amazing group of guys. With that said, I didn't want to be there. I was tapped, I'd been traveling, and I wanted to be home with my family - and frankly, I was feeling sorry for myself over stuff going on at work. I was pretty focused on me. Cathie, in her infinite wisdom, recognized this and said "Sometimes when you hear where others are at, it can take the focus off of you". So I went. We had a new guy start in our group tonight, and it was great. We spent tonight telling our stories, about who we are and where we've been in life. I got the chance to hear guys talk about how they've progressed in their walk with Jesus. I've got guys in this group who came in not sure what they wanted to do with their faith who are now pursuing Christ fervently. I really love this group of guys - they're guys who'd do whatever it takes for any of the others.

I spent the last 24 hours thrasing on something that in the big picture wasn't worth it. I learned things about myself, but I am physically and emotionally beat from the whole experience. I don't mind conflict, but I like to move through it quickly and not have it linger on. Conflict at it's worst for me is when it's personal, and I take most conflict very personally, even in work situations. I have pretty close relationships with many of the people I work with - on a project, I'll spend 60 hours in a week with some of them for months at a time. So anyways, in this particular situation I felt like I'd been hung out to dry by people that I consider friends, and a person I really respect in our company. I was pissed off, I was sad, and I was angry. Luckily, my boss (Bill Belanger) happens to also be a good friend of mine, and he did an amazing job coaching me through a lot of this. He knows me better than most people do, and he understands how I process things and how I can respond, for better or for worse. Bill is a guy who I've worked with for almost 9 years in different capacities, and has been instrumental in getting to where I'm at today in the company. One by one, I've been talking one-on-one with the people involved, trying to gain some understanding and resolution to things. As I do that, it's like a weight is slowly lifted off my shoulders.

This morning I was reading Psalm 119, and I continue to be amazed at David's passion for God's law and grace. In v. 111 he says "Your decrees are my treasure; they are truly my heart's desire" - from reading the other Psalms, I see this was just who he was at the core of he being. I have an affinity for David, the way he processed things, the way he views the world, his passion for relationships, for people, for life. I want to make this kind of transformation in my life, where obedience becomes part of who I am. Not sure how that's going to happen.

Let me elaborate on my earlier comments on women pastors. To understand my earlier comments, you've gotta understand my background. For the longest time, the word "liberal" was the equivalent of evil for me. No kidding. I grew up in a very politically conservative home - we'd campaign for different republican candidates, we'd protest abortion clinics and listening to Rush Limbaugh. In school, I was the president of our Young Republican's club in high school, and I would fervently argue my views in my A.P. Government class, and any other class that I got. Being a republican was very much a part of my identity, and this carried over into my faith. I would stack-rank other churches based on how liberal or conservative they were compared to mine - and some of the worst, in my perspective, were those churches with women Pastors. It wasn't as much a biblical deal, but more of what a woman pastor represented.
About five years ago, I was visiting Willow Creek church and picked up a tape on "Women in Ministry", which was very similar to the article I posted earlier. I came to a tough crossroads in my life, because even though I didn't like the idea of women in pastoral leadership roles in the church, biblically I believed it was right. So my journey continued. A few years ago I was at Xtreme camp and I heard a few of my kids describing our church, and one student described it as "Liberal". I asked them what that meant, and their explanation was "It's a church where people love and include everyone". This rocked my world, and it's been slowing changing me over time to the point that I'm okay with someone telling me that my church is liberal, because at the core, I know what we're about. This is a huge step for me.
I'm still moving, but I'm not where I want to be, and I don't even understand all of the reasons why. It's not a cut and dry deal for me, but I'm much less of a misogynist pig than I was five years ago.

Brad and I went to the Lions game. The game blew, but Ford Field was an amazing place. We went to Mexican Town afterwards for some quality mexican chow, and then Jason and I worked last night on getting Mudbowl all planned out.

I'm up north in Gaylord with guys from work, part of our Central division team. We're up here doing some planning and team building activiites. It's rained all day today - pretty ugly. We've got a wireless internet connection in the cabin we're in, so between cell phones and laptops we're still pretty connected

I worked in Madeline's Kindergaden class this morning. It's a wild bunch of kids. The girls are fine, but the boys need big does of ritalin.

I first heard this explanation (Women in Ministry: Re-examining the Biblical Pattern) on Women's Role's in the church and I didn't like it. I didn't like it, because I really didn't see any holes in the logic. I'm not sure I like the the idea of a woman pastor. No, I know that I don't. Maybe that's softened a little bit over time, and I'm not even sure of all the reasons I feel that way. I can't disagree with the logic contained in this article, and other resources I've read, that for me, lays it out pretty clearly.

I made it into Mobile, and I fly out omorrow evening - I should get home around 1:30 Thursday morning. The weather is beautiful around here - right on the gulf, beautiful white beaches, dolphins swimming everywhere.

I'm sitting here watching the Nick & Jessica show on MTV. Hate to admit it, but I like the show. Jessica Simpson is extremely sheltered, and makes blondes look dumb, but it's amusing. Survivor starts on Thursday. We've got our usual party going on.

I was flying from Houston, TX to Mobile, AL on a small commuter Jet. At the gate, a woman got very upset that she couldn't have the front row of the plane, and she ends up throwing her water bottle at the woman behind the counter. As she was boarding, she then spit on her ticket before handing it to the gate agent. Once she gets on the plane, she kicks the seat in front of her and gets up a couple of times and yells at he flight attendant. At this point, the passengers are starting to look around, wondering what's going on. The woman then sits down, pulls out her in-flight magazine and proceeds to rip it up - page by page. Once the magazine is gone, she grabs the pages and tears them into smaller pages, creating a huge mess. She starts being rude at this point to the other passengers around her, at which point the plane stops taxiing to the runway, and turns around. We pull back into the gate, and next thing we know, a police officer comes on board and tells the woman to come with him. She says she was simply scared and the flight crew wouldn't give her the seat she wanted. The police officer doesn't want any back talk, and eventually tells the woman that he is about to forcibly remove her from the plane. Her husband (who is sitting in the back of the plane) gets up from the back of the plane and follows her out. Turns out, she was a Russian mail-order bride. Apparently, he didn't know what he was getting into.

We comissioned Jason as our Youth Pastor today at Crossroads. It was a very proud moment for me to see him officially introduced to our church, and tell his story about how he ended up where he's at. He started two weeks ago, and he's hit the ground running in an amazing way. I had the chance to sit in our Youth Ministries leadership meeting on Saturday and listen to Jason cast an amazing vision out there of Crossroad's Youth Ministry and how he wants to approach it from both a strategic and tactical standpoint. I was excited to hear where we're going, but I was equally proud of Jason and how he is making it his own. While I'm excited for J, there's a part of me that's grieving my transition out of the role of I was in, trying to figure out how to best step back so that Jason can move forward. The part of me that's sad is outweighed by the excitement at seeing the potential of the kids that can be reached with J on board. I can get rid of the burden I've carried for a long time, knowing that kids were being left behind because I didn't have the time. I know that God is a bigger God that than, but I still carried that around with me.

I just got done with my neighborhood association meeting. It's a very unique group of people. My role is the Vice President, but the President hasn't shown up in a few months, so I've tried to take on a leadership role in this. Once we get through a lot of the stupid stuff, we've been trying to address some of the bigger picture problems in our neighborhood. It's a very disconnected group of people, and we're trying to figure out how to bring people together to experience the kind of community that people want. We're also trying to learn as a group how to work together, how to delegate tasks, and the value each person brings to the table. In another six months, we should be a well-oiled machine.

Got in tonight, and found out today I've got a lot of travel coming up. I'm on the road in Kansas City, Missouri and Mobile, Alabama next Monday - Wednesday. The following week I'm up north at a planning meeting for work Monday - Wednesday. The week after that I go to Kansas City for a couple days to meet with the President of Xerox (Anne Mulcahy - great leader) and then head down to Mobile for a couple days. The Mobile thing should be interesting - it's doing the consulting to eventually testify as an expert witness for them around their current Document Management System. Hey, if someone wants to pay me (rather Xerox) lots of money for my opinion, far be it from me to tell them their over paying. I just changed the travel around this evening, and my flight is about $1,100 for next week. Ouch. With the end-of-the-year travel restrictions in place, I figured my travel would severely decrease, and it looks like it's increasing. It's cyclical, but with the kids back in school it's a little harder on Cathie, especially this past week where I was gone Sunday - Friday. Madeline has the toughest time when I'm gone - she becomes pretty tough for Cath to manage on the tail end of my travel. Shorter trips - Monday - Wednesday kind of deals are a lot easier to process.

Create Your Own

I was reading the book of Hosea this morning. If you've never read it, it's a pretty wild story where God tells his prophet Hosea to go marry the town whore in order to demonstrate to the people of isreal how they whore themselves out to things other than God, just like me. It's so easy for me to think I can find life (fufillment, happiness, peace) in things other than God - (technology, stuff, money, success people, and really), and turn from him and turn to these things. Pretty much makes me a whore, no different than the isrealities.

"Turn my eyes from worthless things and give me life through your word" Ps 119: 37

No posts for a week - and now this....
What a great Sunday. I was just thinking about how I enjoyed hanging out with the Fusion/Impact kids, and how that reall kickstarted my heart for this ministry year. I was pretty neutral about getting going again, thinking more about the time comittment than the kids. Laughing and connecting on Sunday morning was so key to me and remembering why I'm a part of Fusion and youth ministry in general. Remembering all of the individual lives and stories behind each kid is what does it for me.

I found this one to be amazing - let me give you some background first. One of the my kids in Fusion lost their mother last week in a hold-up/murder at a hotel in Troy, MI. I don't want to get into this - it sucked, and frankly, I don't like thinking about it. We were hanging out Sunday talking about he high points and low-points of our summer, and a new kid who was there shared his: "My high point was meeting my family for the first time, my low-point was finding out that my birth-mother was murdered." This boy had been put up for adoption in his infancy, but his adoped mother had kept in touch with his birth mother, although the boy had never met her. His first contact was at a funeral. What amazing stories these kids have, and so few understand that there is a God who wants to be a part of that story in such a powerful way. Makes it seem like a no-brainer.

I've been chewing on the idea of obedience lately. I seem to be running across this idea while reading Galatians, the book of James, and now I seem to be stuck in Psalm 119. I'm drawn to Psalm 119 - it's some an awesome balance on obedience and grace, and reading between the lines, I get this awesome feel for the heart of King David, who I feel a strong affinity for. He doesn't just want to obey for obedience's sake - he wants to understand the value, the promise and the goodness in the laws. He sees God not as an angry master to be obeyed - but a loving father who wants what's best for his children: Psalm 119: 73-81

73 Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands.
74 May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word.
75 I know, O LORD , that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you have afflicted me.
76 May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.
77 Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is my delight.
78 May the arrogant be put to shame for wronging me without cause; but I will meditate on your precepts.
79 May those who fear you turn to me, those who understand your statutes.
80 May my heart be blameless toward your decrees, that I may not be put to shame.

I'm sure I've read this Psalm before, but I'm seeing it through new eyes, really stuck on it. I want the kind of balance and passion that David has.

I'm in Atlanta all week at training. What makes this bareable is that I'm with all Xeroids, including Bill, Greg, Glen and Keith who are guys I really enjoy working with and hanging out with. Makes for a fun training class where people aren't afraid to mock each other or hack the local network and each other's computers.

There are strip clubs all over Atlanta, and I'm always amazed at how often people hit them while on business travel and for business meetings. Typically, the guys I travel with don't, and the guys I hang out with outside of work don't - but for some reason, it's seemed like more of a temptation. Left to my own, I'd probably be there too. I talked to Brad last night about it, and I'm thankful I've got guys in my life like him that I can be real honest with and who know me well enough and love me enough to not only pray for me, but help me walk through the logic of why it's not the best choice to go, instead of shaming me and telling me it'll make baby Jesus cry. The last time I went to a strip club was about 10 years ago, and couldn't really enjoy it - I kept thinking of the what he strippers were like as teenagers - self concious, probably abused girls without a dad in their life to tell them how much he loved them - and without a good understanding of how God feels about them as His beloved. If you're reading this, pray for me.

Just got done reading this article from Relevant called Journey out of Spiritual Darkness. I love this part:

first thing I've learned is that we must understand sin is a matter of the spirit, not just the mind. We were programmed to be drawn to things that will make us happy. God designed us for pleasure; He wants us to enjoy ourselves. But we were designed to find the ultimate pleasure in Him. Satan knows this and tries to lure us away from Him with pleasures of this world. And yes, they are nice … for a time. But ultimately, they will leave us empty, guilty and desperate, and with a massive void in our hearts that cannot be filled. The key is finding that ravishing pleasure in God and not in the sin. How do we do that? By realizing how God sees us—and extravagantly loves us.

I got out of the groove of posting stuff on my blog - and now looking back on my week, I'm wondering if there was anything worth mentioning. Yesterday was Cathie's birthday, and on Sunday we suprised her by "unexpectedly" meeting up with some friends at BW3's for wings and drinks.

Another season of the Burning Man festival is gone, and Cathie and I haven't been there yet. If it's still around, Cathie and I have talked about going to this together in the next few years with another couple. Not sure if any of our friends would want to go... Except Jon and Beth.

I should receive my new PDA today. I've had my Palm IIIxe for 4 or 5 years now - and for me, that's a long time to own any kind of technology. With my Motrola T720 Phone syncing up with Microsoft Outlook for my calendar and Contacts, I haven't used my Palm much. I decided I finally need to bite the bullet and upgrade. The PDA is a Dell Axim X5 PocketPC with 802.11b wireless. One of the key features for this is the fact that it sync's up on the fly, instead of having to syncronize the data before undocking it. I can also sync it wirelessly, which is cool.