My church is pretty dysfunctional, but I love it - I think. Over a year ago, it came out that our Senior Pastor had been having an affair with our Programming Director. Chaos ensued as we came to understand the amazing damage this man had inflicted over years of ego-driven leadership. He'd tried to build a church with himself at the center and created all sorts of blurred boundries that we later discovered would have huge ramifications for us down the road. We trudged through the best we could and it was incredibly painful. Lots of people left the church for one reason or another. Four months ago it came out that our new Programming Director had been having an affair with our worship leader. More people left the church over this. Throughout both of these situations, people were cruel - villifying the elder board, writing scathing, hurtful e-mails and lashing out at people in horrible ways.

Through all of this, I can't remember seriously considering leaving. Sure I haven't always agreed with how things have been done, but I haven't left, and I'm trying to figure out why. I've watched our church's attendance dwindle two a fraction of what it was, and continue to see good friends leave. As I sat this morning journaling, the thought came to my mind that maybe I'm missing out by staying at my church. Maybe all of these people who've bolted over the past year and half have it right and I'm way off base. Maybe I'm the kid playing in the skanky lukewarm mud puddle, thinking "it doesn't get any better than this", while there's a beautiful beach across the street that I'm missing out on. I don't know.

I know that I love my church. I love that it's full of people totally different than me, full of a bunch of broken, sinful people, just like me. We're a church full of all sorts of recovering addicts, an ex-prostitute, an occasional ex-stripper, cheats, liars, thieves and adulters. All sinners, just like me. I love that it's a group of people who are pursuing God however they can. It's a place that loves kids of all ages, my kids, junior high kids, high school kids. It's palce where kids can come with tattoos and piercings and get a big hug from Joanne when they walk in the door. It's a place where a five year old can come in and people like Shannon and Alysa will hang with them, help connect them, and show them by example what Jesus is all about. It's a place filled with people like Linda go into the inner city of Detroit every weekend to bring the poor food when they're hungry and mittens and hats when they're cold. It's full of guys like Mark, Les and Mike who get up every Sunday morning and run the sound, video and light system. Their work is totally transparent to those around them, unless they screw up. Sometimes our music isn't great, sometimes we have people teaching who are less than polished (me), somtimes we're just getting by.

I wonder how much eaiser it would be to leave and go to a church where I'm anonymous, where there are a whole bunch of people just like me and I don't have to deal with people that annoy me. I think it would be so much easier to go to a church where people only see the part of me that I want them to see, and not the junk below the surface. I think about how nice it would be to be a part of a big church, where the ugliness that is the reality of church is hidden below the surface.

I stay, and I'm not always sure that's the best way to go. Most of the time, I go to church on Sunday, see this group of misfits that I do church with, do life with, and I think to myself, "Where else would I go?" I've invested over 10 years of myself in this place, these people, this vision, and I can't see myself doing it any other way. I've seen people changed at such a core level, and turn around and impact others, who in turn do the same. I've seen people whose lives have been horribly lost find Salvation. I've seen myself go from being a self-centered, egostical, duplicitous jerk to being just an egotistical jerk. I've gone deeper in my life with people at my church than I ever thought was possible, found healing I never thought could happen, and grown deeper in my relationship with God than I knew I could go. I love this place. But then again, I'm probably missing something.

I take solace in one of my heros, Mike Yaconelli, who was pretty familiar with going to imperfect church:

It’s no wonder that most of us feel completely inadequate to do anything other than cook breakfast, and even then we wonder if we shouldn’t check our menu with a dietician, a nutritionist, a vitamatician, and a chef.

Then we go to church, and we leave completely demoralized by the expert insights into the nuances of the original Greek and Hebrew, which are obviously out of our intellectual reach as laypersons; the clear and obvious principles of godly living that everyone should know, but of course, we don’t know; the unending litany of success stories that make anything that has happened to us pale in comparison. The worship band is so polished, the choir is so professional, the drama is so theatrical, and the multimedia presentation so state-of-the-art that we leave reaffirmed in our own incompetence. It is no wonder that you and I, the ordinary people of God, go to bed each night with a dull uneasiness, a gnawing ineptitude that is present when we drift off to sleep and there to greet us when we awaken in the morning.

We constantly hear complaints about the lethargy of the Church, the apathy of the congregation, the inactivity of the majority. Could it be that the collective passiveness of the church is the direct consequence of the expertise of the leadership? Could it be that the unwillingness to perform by the many is a natural response to the flawless performance of the few? Could it be that the authority of the expert has robbed the non-expert of any authority at all? Could it be that the unending parade of "heroes" has made it impossible to find the real heroes hiding in the ordinary and commonplace?

The power of the Church is not in its super-preachers, or its mega-structures, or its large institutions. The power of the Church is in its individual people whose sacrifices throughout everyday life have an authority no expert can match.

My church is not perfect and it's not full of heroes in the traditional church sense. It's full of misfits who've been radically affected by a risen savior and are just trying to get by with what they've been given. It's a group of people who've been loved at the core and can't help but share that love, telling others about it in any way they can. I love my church. I think I'll stick around for a while.

Today was our annual memorial day picnic. The weather wasn't supposed to cooperate, but it did. My main goal of today was to get multiple pictures of Noel enjoying a can of Budweiser beer. Because he's a pastor, you may ask? Nope, he's one of those drinkin, smokin kind of pastors. It's because of his recent message, Why I hate Budweiser in a can (which by the way is a great message, except for his snobbish contempt for the blue collar worker and our beer).

Notice the smile? Doesn't look like he hates Bud as much as he wants you to think. Click here for a more comprehensive photo album of Noel and his Budweiser can.

We had a million kids there. Fifteen total, most of them under the age of 5. The newest addition is my nephew Bender, being held by Madeline, wearing her crazy looking hat from her recent Brownie camp-out.

We also had a ton of food. Grace brought a great cake and cheese dip that happened to look like something I did one night in college after a long night of drinking and a stop by Quality Dairy for some chilli cheese fries. I"m not sure if Jon's throwing up in here or what that face is.

Cathie had asked me to buy some wine coolers for the ladies. We were all suprised to see how my brother Dan joined right in and enjoyed a wine cooler as well.

We also had the traditional water fight. The kids had buckets, hoses, water balloons and squirt guns ready to go. Here's Nate dumping a bucket on Emma. Not sure how he stayed so dry.

It's really not a Kurt party unless we all weasel a nap in here or there. Kevin, Dan and I are able to get a nap in at some point at just about every family gathering. It's a gift, I tell ya.


You can see the complete photo album here.

I had a heavy weight on me this morning regarding some church crap and I sat down to read the bible. This was the first thing I came to, and I feel like the whole chapter was written for me. I've read it a million times, but this time it felt personal. It's so easy to forget how big God is, how small I try and make Him and to feel like I need to carry everything on my own.

^{Isaiah 40
27} Why do you say, O Dave,
and complain, O Dave,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?

²⁸ Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Technologies I'm trying out:
Airclick Remote Control for Mac and PC -
Microsoft Desktop Search Engine
Flickr Automatic Photo Posting to my Blog
Treo 650 Phone


More Recent Technologies I'm still using that have stood the test of time:
Sony DSC-T1 Digital Camera
Bloglines
Bitcomet
Flickr
Mac Mini
Altec Lansing inMotion iPod Speakers
Allofmp3.com
Winamp Media Player w/Ipod Plugin
Picasa 2

Stuff I'm looking into but haven't decided on:
Good Bluetooth Headset (Looking for reccomendations)

Fun weekend so far, but kinda tiring. On Friday night Ted, Will, Bob, Brad and I got together for Bob's birthday out at Brad's cottage. We grilled out a huge meal of steak and salmon and enjoyed some fine beer and tequila (Bob collects fine tequila). After dinner we went out on the boat, complete with my iPod and iPod speakers. We went from song to song, enjoying some quality sing-a-longs. I know what you're thinking: a bunch of guys singing along together on a boat ride.... We were singing rock-and-roll songs from our past... Forget it, sounds pretty odd no matter how I describe it. Cathie went out dancing with her friends Jen and Lori.

On Saturday we got together for our friend Justin's birthday at the Girard's house, along with the Niemi's. It was pretty low-key, but fun. Could have been better if Justin had gone along with my suggestion: My idea was that we get out a bunch of magazines and cut out words and pictures that define our friendship, and make a giant friendship collage. Kidding... That's from Scrubs. Cathie and I came home and got caught up on Alias... Well, almost. We've still got the season finale to watch.

Today after church we had some friend's, Jason and Jess Shinn and Jason and Tracy Raitz come over along with their three kids, Becca, Bob and Zach. We barbecued and hung out and talked about life. Jason's just left a dream job at a mega-church to work for Project311 full time. Jason's got a dependence on God that's phenomenal. He tours around speaking nationally, and is a phenomenal leader of huge teams. Here's 8 questions with Jason...

Tomorrow is our annual barbecue. It started about 10 years ago with Noel and Grace, Mike and Micky and Cathie and I. It's grown to almost 30+ people. Should be fun.

I was finally indexing all of my digital pictures, which I hadn't done in a while. I came across some great pictures that I'd forgotten about, like this:


No explanation really needed here.


Emily's pre-school class went to a farm for the day and Emily got to milk a cow. Not a huge deal, except that every time she squeezed the teet, it was squirting farmer Don in the face, and she thought it was the funnies thing she'd ever seen.


Nate and I went to see Nate's best friend Austin's hockey game on Thursday. Nate's been wanting to see it for a long time, and it was great watching him root for his friend. These two guys have been inseparable since they met 4 years ago. Austin lives right down the street and the two of them play any chance they get. He's a great kid, finally beginning to understand my sense of humor. The three of us were playing street hockey on Saturday where I caught a hockey puck in the tooth.


We've got a big tree in the front yard that Nate's been trying to climb higher and higher. One of them will break next, Nate or the tree.


We had a couple of girls from the youth group, Delaney and Xtina, babysit the girls last night and the girls got make-overs. Emily got her normally afro curly hair straightened and Madeline got her hair crimped. They both got their nails done and were so proud of their new looks.

I finally setup a VPN connection into my home network so that when I'm traveling, I can easily access all of my files and computers. I'd been doing it before through port forwarding through my router, but that had it's limitations. I originally was looking at some of the new routers that have the capability built in, until I noticed that XP Pro has the capability natively. Here's a good article explaining how to set it up. Couldn't be much easier.

Great article on the challange of being in community with people radically different from yourself:

More pointedly, I am coming to terms with the fact that community is not about people like me. It's easy to be in community, or at least on congenial terms, with people who are similar to me: similar musical tastes, similar clothing tastes, similar discussion interests, similar stages of life, similar political leanings, similar biting critiques of other people.

I guess that's one of the things I like about going to a relatively small church. I'm forced to bump up against people that are the totally different than me. I'm forced to interact, get to know, learn to love and walk through conflict with people that are the opposite of me in terms of age, political leanings, sense of humor and every other category I can think of.

Look around the room next time you’re gathered with other followers of Jesus. See the different faces: some attractive, some homely, some happy, some depressed, some attentive, some distracted, some awake, some sleeping. Think about the person you just bumped into at the door whom you’ve never met beyond an awkward initial conversation. Think about the person across the room you would rather not have to talk to, let alone see. Think about the people you’re glad you haven’t seen this time. Did I hear a sigh of relief?

If only Jesus had formed a community out of something other than ordinary, irritating, disagreeable, quirky people. Life would certainly have been easier for all of us. But also less true

.

If left to my own, I wouldn't interact with some of the people that I interact with at church. I'd rather stay with people just like me. It'd be easier. As the article says, my church is full people who who are "other than ordinary, irritating, disagreeable, quirky people". Just like me.

I think we all agree that there's some weird stuff out there on the internet, some odd, some disgusting. I think I've discovered the strangest, most pointless web site in the world. The site is called Crying While Eating. The site is a collection of videos that people have uploaded of themselves crying while eating something. There's a description showing what they're eating and what they're crying about - everything from the mistreatment of animals to the lack of true love in the world. I want to travel around the country door to door and ask these people to get a life, but I probably won't, unless I video taped it and created a web site called, "Going door to door and talking sense into stupid people.com"

I don't understand this site and why it's becoming so popular. It's called Crying While Eating. People on the site post videos of themselves, of course, crying while eating, and explain what they're crying about. I'm trying to get this. I'm not sure there is a weirder or more pointless site out there. Could someone please help me understand this?

I'm testing out the new Microsoft Desktop Search that integrates in at an OS level. It covers more document types than Google and doesn't require a browser.

Cathie, Will and I finally watched the last 4 episodes of 24 tonight. What a great ending. The VP turned President was quite the tool. Will and I considered going over to the actor's house and punching him. Jack Bauer ha a new identity, and he's wearing sunglasses in the end, the Amber Vision sunglasses as seen on TV. Unfortunately, his new secret identity should be "Jack Ndabox".

Google has a nice new personal portal page.

Emily came up to Cathie today and said, "Mom, you're a Jane Ass". Cathie clarified and found out that she's also a genius.

I finally watched the season finale of Lost. 2 hour show, 80 minutes of commercials. Wow. I still need to get caught up on episodes of Alias. Cathie and I are 2 episodes behind the season finale. Will's coming over tonight to get caught up on 2 episodes of 24, plus the season finale. I'm off tomorrow and Monday!

At the gym this morning I was listening to a message by Noel entitled Why I hate Budweiser in a can. It's a phenomenal message that tackles an issue I've wrestled with: The paradox of how the Bible seems to say at the same time that salvation is our decision and at the same time that we must be chosen by God. He approaches it in a very humble way and does a decent job explaining some scientific principles (for a History major). The big issue that I have with his message, him, and now our friendship, is that he insults Budweiser in a can. He could have said that my kids were ugly, but Bud in a can? What other drink speaks of summer like Bud in a can? Barbecuing on a nice summer day? Wakeboarding and tubing out at Brad's cottage? My friend, my Bud in a can. The only other person I've heard take this kind of position with Budweiser is Mr source text himself, my friend Ken Buck. To think that they could be so far apart on so many issues (like postmodernism, hence Noel christening himself Po-Mo-Noel), yet agree on one thing, Bud in a can. The best part of the message is where Noel compares Jonah to Jack Black. I'll never think of one without the other.

Whoah. This is wild. It's an anti-drug/prostitution campaign that shows pictures of prostitutes and addicts over time based on police mug shots.

I'm pretty ambiguious about Llamas in general, but this is amusing: The Llama Song

I flew down to Dallas this afternoon and it was painful for a few reasons:
1. I flew American Airlines. Detroit being Northwest's hub, I rarely fly anything but Northwest. I have no frequent flyer status on American, but that wasn't such a huge deal. The aisle seat I was in was designed for a guy with very, very tiny shoulders. Shoulders that wouldn't get hit everytime someone walked down the asile.
2. The whole flight was full of people from a huge network marketing convention that was in Detroit over the weekend. The gal sitting next to me tried to sell me on it. I explained to her that I was heavily sedated, not right in the head, and not the kind of person she would want selling her stuff.
3. We had bad turbulance and a bad pilot. The plane jumped around like crazy and our landing was horrible. We slammed into the tarmac, bounced up and then slammed in again.

It was 90 degrees when I landed in Dallas, TX.

We had our Project 311 board meeting last night. Great meeting, great group of guys all with a passion around what we're doing. We've grown together as a board and cool to see everyone headed in the same direction. Anyways... We had a conversation last night around church sponsorship of what we're doing in 311 and how they could sponsor us in the same way they sponsor other missionary groups. No big deal... except for how it was communicated, and how immature I must be to think it was funny. One of the board members, who will remain nameless, (Bruce), explained that "To understand where the church is coming from, you really have to put yourself in the missionary position and..." He didn't get much further as I fell on the floor laughing. Like I said, immature.