I used to believe that in order to be a good youth pastor, I needed to have all the answers to the tough questions about God. You know the ones, the "Why does God heal some people and not others?" kind of questions. A month ago, I sat down with a high school guy who was struggling with his faith because he couldn't figure out some of these types of questions. As he and I talked through them, a lot of my answers ended up being - "Great question. I don't know that's something we'll ever understand in this life". Same kind of discussion with a guy via IM the other day. As I move away from "putting God in a box", the belief that Ican have all the answers about our infinite God, it's been really freeing. Today I was reading Stories of Emergence: Moving from Absolute to Authentic and came across the story of a guy making a similar kind of transition from a mindset of modern Youth Ministry to more of a post-modern paradigm.

Here's what I've been processing:
I've been wrestling with feeling uncomfortable about people's proclamations of certainty on issues, as I recognize the biases and perspectives I bring to the table. I love the way 1 Corinthians 13:12 (MSG) puts it:

We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

I question my reliance on community, story and experience to teach kids. Even though they feel right, and I know it's how God has wired me to work with kids, I feel at times like I must be missing the boat somewhere. I'm getting more and more comfortable being okay with not knowing. Not in terms of ignorance, but in terms of being okay that there are answers that I won't have, don't have - that faith is enough. Whether it's faith that God is big enough and good enough to heal the right people, create the universe - in 7 days or 7 billion years, and walk with me and change me over time in just the right way.
I'm not sure that made sense, but it's bubbling around in my brain and I wanted to get it out and try and make some sense of it as I put it in front of me.