Sanctuary (our bi-monthly student worship service) hit me hard last night - thinking about my relationship with God from a lot of angles, one being faith and putting it into practice. I sat there during worship and felt so disconnected with God. Worship's always been something that connected my heart to him in a deep way, beyond my head into my heart - yet yesterday, I "felt" nothing, and it seems to have been that way for a while with worship, and it just struck me. I did a lot of dwelling on why - where my walk with God is at. I've spent a lot of time journaling, but not in intimate conversation with him. I feel disconnected with - even though I've spent time reading the bible and praying, coming to him with big and little things. Almost like a long distance friendship that's happened over e-mail - it's just missing the intimacy. Listening to music focused on Christ throughout the day was something that would continually draw me back, and I've really gotten away from that. I've gotten tired of the "worship genre" of music, but I realize that the music was an intimate part of my relationship with God .
Where is my faith right now? How have I been putting it into practice? Jason taught last night on James 2 - knowing the right words and not doing anything with your faith. When's the last time I've been in a situation where my faith has reallly been put to the test God? Am I stretching myself in any area, or just running fast in my life, but not really going anywhere? Traveling so much over the past 10 weeks, I feel like I've been living a compressed life - being responsibel for a multi-million dollar deal at work, trying to fit in my role as a dad, husband, friend, small group leader, and fusion youth pastor are all given so few cycles right now, that I'm not really able to give any of them the time they deserve. I think I'm doing the best I can with what I've got, but I'm not even sure where God is at in all of that. Is this an area I need to let him in more - and stretch myself?
The other part of J's talk focused on the fact the fact that Christ came to give us abundant life. In the midst of everything going on in my life, I am full. Even having to run at a million miles an hour, I'm not drained, and I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. How do I reconcile putting faith to the test, and living an abundant life? Not sure.