I got a call from Cathie when my plane landed in Kansas City yesterday and I immediately wanted to fly home. She was pretty emotional, and told me that a friend of ours from church, Janet Bowden, had died Monday night in a car accident. Cathie and I were not super close to Janet or her husband Jack, but our five year old daughter Madeline was. Janet was like an Aunt to Madeline. Janet and Madeline connected a couple of years ago – both red-heads, both with fiery personalities. It was the coolest thing at church – most Sundays, Janet and Madeline would see each other from across the hall and run towards each other and Janet would scoop Madeline up in her arms and yell, “How’s my girl!” She made Maddie feel like the most important little girl in the world. When Madeline was having a tough time going into her Promiseland class, Janet could drop her off pick her up no problem. Janet and Madeline would go on their special “dates”. Her and Maddie would go shopping together to lunch, and other fun “girl places”. A month or so ago, Janet took the day off and took Maddie to the Toledo zoo, after which they went out to eat, ran errands and didn’t get home until late that night. Cathie and I haven’t told Madeline yet about Janet’s death. We’re been pretty unsure of how to do it. I called a number of my friends with kids for advice and most of them had no idea what to do. Cathie and I did decide that we should both be there to have the conversation with her. I fly back this afternoon. We have no idea how she’ll respond, and it’s been tough with Cathie and I knowing and Madeline not knowing. Maddie was talking with Cathie last night off-handedly about role models, and mentioned how Janet was her role-model. In the same conversation she was talking with Cathie about death, and how sad it makes her when animals and people die. She’s been raised to understand heaven, and we’ve tried to teach her the happy and sad sides of death for followers of Jesus, but we have no idea how she’ll take this. I remember pretty vividly when I was five and my Grandpa Smith died. I want to be able to protect my little girl from the crap life throws at her, and I feel pretty helpless here. I want to take the pain for her and can’t. Cathie and I are trying to figure out what closure and grieving look like for a five year old – is it drawing pictures to remember Janet or is it attending the visitation or funeral to say goodbye? Most of it, we’re going to play by ear – but with me being away, it makes it harder to have to mull it over and over in our minds instead of being able to sit down and deal with it.