My Blog - Getting Closure

I've been using my blog over the past week or so as a journal on what's gone on with my Mom. I've probably shared more information that people care to hear, but I did it primarily so I could remember the whole situation - my thoughts, our laughter, our sorry, our stories with a clarity that my memory doesn't always give me. I took pictures of my Mom and my family as we hung out together by her bed-side. Again, this might seem weird to some and others would say, "Why remember her in such a weakened state?" It sounds strange, but my Mom radiated this amazing beauty as she lay there, and i don't want to forget that. Her body was wasting away, but she had something deep inside that showed.

Blogging was cathartic for me. I was able to take a step back from everything going on, process it, write it down and sit in it for a while. It also saved me from having to tell everyone outside of the situation what was going on. They were able to read what was going on and be a part of it to the degree they wanted to. As I said before, the Kurt family is inclusive, even in our sorrow. There's lots of detail I held back, but for the most part, it's enough of a picture that I can re-read it and re-live the experience when I need help remembering.

Throughout this whole process, thousands of people prayed for my mom. Literally thousands. I know God is sovereign. I get that for the most part. What I didn't get was how he could ignore so many prayers and not be moved by their sheer multitude. On Saturday night while talking to my cousins Jodi and Connie, I think I started to understand. They told me the story of my Uncle Jack, their Dad, and his battle with pancreatic cancer. They discovered his cancer in the beginning of October and he was gone by the end of the month. My cousins shared with me the excruciating pain my uncle was in at the end because of his cancer. What a contrast to the eleven months we had with my Mom and the peaceful way she passed, spending the hours and hours together by her bedside laughing and telling stories. We wanted a huge miracle for my Mom. I always thought we didn't get it. Maybe we did. Just different miracles than we'd hoped for.