My Mom

My Mom is moving towards the end of an eleven month battle with pancreatic cancer. She has fought so hard and battled through so much to get to this point. She has fought the fight against one of the toughest forms of cancer with a faith, a strength and optimism that I hope to have some day. My Mom has never doubted God's greatness or God's goodness in all of this. She has spent each day with a gratefulness for that day and clung to the smallest joys, appreciative of everything that people have done for her - never pitying herself in all of this. When I think of her faith throughout this, the lyrics to the hymn On Christ the Solid Rock come to mind:

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

My Dad has fought the fight right along side of my Mom and saying that I'm proud of him doesn't do it justice. I am in awe. After 40 years of marriage, my Dad has shown me how seriously he takes the "in sickness and in health" portion of his marriage vows. He has stood by my Mom, made her his top priority and served her tirelessly through everything she's gone through over the past 11 months, not to mention the rest of their marriage. He has been a model father and husband all of his life and I am so proud to have him as my Dad. I want to be that kind of man and that kind of husband someday. He is truly my hero and my role-model as a man.

This has sucked. I have had sadness in my life I've never experienced. I know people go through things like this every day, but I had no idea something like this could hurt so much. I don't know how I would get through this without my faith. I've thought a lot about this over the past months and spent a lot of time praying and dealing with God on this, trying to get a handle around suffering as a follower of Jesus. Throughout all of this, I have had to come back to these fundamental truths over and over again:

1. God loves my Mom with a love beyond what I can understand.
2. God is big enough to heal my Mom
3. God could heal my Mom if he wanted to
   
4. God has a perfect plan
5. I don't always get God's plan, but that doesn't change the first four tenants for me.
   

I've never gone through something this tough in my life. I am sad at the core of my being. I hate seeing my Mom, my Dad, my Grandma, my kids - my whole family go through this. I am thankful that we have such a close family and we can lean on each other and grow closer throughout this. It still sucks in a big way.



One bright light in all of this has been my Mom's friend Sherry Burmeister. Sherry has been my Mom's best friend for a long, long time - I think around 25 years or so. Sherry radiates joy about her in a way that you can't help but smile. She has a laugh that is contagious and her and my Mom are hilarious together. They have a friendship that is deep beyond explanation. Throughout my Mom's battle, Sherry has been there every step along the way. She reads to my Mom, she paints her toenails and gives her foot massages. One of Sherry's few flaws is a complete lack of a sense of direction. She frequently gets herself horribly lost trips across town. She has been known as "wrong-way" Burmeister for years. One time she was picking up a speaker for a conference from the airport in Lansing. She got on the expressway and before she knew it, she was in Grand Rapids, instead of Okemos. Oops. This is a weekly occurrence for Sherry, but we love her none-the-less and consider her a part of the family.