Thursday, October 08, 2009

Best Letter to the Editor EVER in the South Lyon Herald

The best part about our local newspaper, The South Lyon Herald, is the letter's to the editor. About a month ago, there was a letter from a guy who spent about 1,000 word lamenting his van that burned down. It was odd and boring, but amusing in it's own way.

Today's paper had a response to the guy's story about his van. It is fantastic. My theory is that anytime you bring Hilter into your argument, you've already lost. Check this out. Sheer lunatic genius:
I read the letter headlined "Van will be missed" in the Sept 10 Herald, but I cannot in good conscience echo the sentiment, or provide any condolences. The writer of the letter may miss his van, but I can bet the earth will not. I say kudos to the flames that rid the world of one more gas guzzling mechanized earth destruction device. The letter's author may not be happy, but the planet is ecstatic.

The author discusses all the precious memories of times spent in the van, but what about hte future generations that will not have the chance to make the same memories? That van, and other vehicles like SUVs, trucks and the despicable Hummer, are doing their best to leave those future generations without a planet to make memories on. You had that chance, but at what cost? The cost of our comfortable climate as you, and your whirling death machine, prodded us ever closer to becoming Venus II.

The author discussed 15 years of memory spaning things stored inside the van. The letter leads one to believe that things like paper, and plastic products were strewn about that van. How many others ended up in landfills? How many animals lost their habitat whenever that van was cleaned? The things he talks about as memories sound like trash to me. The noble flames that destroyed the van thankfully destroyed that polluting garbage, too. At least some things won't end up festering in a landfill.

I urge everyone not to accept sob stories about vicious things. I'm sure Hitler had a few sad things happen to him in his life, but I sure don't want to hear him whine about it. Billions of people are at risk of death from a runaway greenhouse effect. I ask all the Herald's readers to stand up, and let it be known that we won't tolerate perpetual pollution peddlers like vans and SUVs. If you see a person driving one of those vehicles let them know you disapprove. Don't be mean, don't be rude, and try to avoid the one finger salute. Give them a stern disapproving lot, and make sure they know that they are destroying the planet just so they can drive their unnecessary gigantic greenhouse gas spewing death pods.

Adam Gjokaj, Salem Township

3 comments:

DTgringo said...

You totally just made my day.

gary_siegel40 said...

pure.... genius.... Satire. I love this man's writing. He will be somebody special one day!

DTgringo said...

It's only 380 words.