I'm getting back into the swing of things after being on vacation for a week. I woke up this morning to go to the gym and found that while i was gone, the gym had gone out of business, and took my money with it. That blew, especially since I was paid up through February of next year.
I'm starting off the next 30 days reading through Romans, and see where I go from there. I've heard from others kids who went to camp, and they're digging in and doing the same thing. I'm putting together a slide-show for Velocity to be shown at Church on July 13th. Should be cool. Still trying to figure out the theme-song from camp this year. E-mail me if you have any ideas.

I got back yesterday afternoon (after getting lost on the way, making a side-trip to pick up some fireworks and stopping to pick up my daughter's birthday present for her birthday yesterday) and I was so excited to see my family. I had my brother-in-law's wedding reception today, which was fun, despite the rain. I got my camera back and got the last of the pictures uploaded to our site. Sounds like the last day of camp went well. I got this message IM'd to me from one student:
"dave, i feel so good right now, like i feel more connected to god, and i feel ive taken a giant leap in my spiritual path! the camp this year was tons of fun and really helped me a lot."
I feel the same way. The big "Stone" that I took away from camp was to dig deep into God's word. As I mentioned before, I had been reading lots of great books on spiritual formation, but hadn't been reading the bible by itself for a while. At camp, Noel hit this topic hard, and I came to the conclusion that I need God's word locked in my skull - but knowledge and memorization. I'm looking forward to seeing all the kids at church tomorrow.

Even after going to bed at 1:15 a.m. I still woke up at 6:45 this morning. The air was nice and cool from last night's rain and I lay there for a while, listening to my fan in the window and couldn't get back to sleep. I'm leaving today, to be back in town for my brother-in-law's wedding reception. There's a part of me that's sad, because some of the coolest conversations and some of the best hang-out time is on the last day. The reality is, I've had my share of cool stuff to make this camp more than worthwihle. One conversation that make camp worthwhile was yesterday. This particular kid is one that it's taken three years to for me to connect with, that I've prayed for regularly, and figured it just wasn't going to happen. Yesterday, this guy went to a session on "Connecting with God" where he learned a little bit about how he's wired up and can best connect with God in his own life. He could have gone to a slew of different sesions, but instead he went to this one, and he liked it, and he got a lot out of it!

I talked to my wife last night! She got back from Mexico and we talked for a while before I had to teach. I miss her and the kids a ton. Joe Muzzi is driving down this morning. He got back from Mexico last night also and he's driving back with the kids tomorrow. Bob Rays is coming down this morning as well.

I started out not sure that this place would stack up against Taylor University (where we've had camp the past few years), but I've come to really like this place. I saw God work in huge ways this week. My leaders came through in an awesome way all week, my kids were great too. Sure we had a few small incidents, but overall, they were great.

I had another great talk tonight with one of my kids. She's got an amazing heart, and has grown leaps and bounds in her faith. She's got a lot that she could complain about in life, but instead pursues God relentlessly. I'm so proud of where she's at, seeing where she's come after three years, seeing how Christ has been formed in her.

Sue Rankin, one of my other leaders, is amazing. She has such a great heart, and loves the kids so much. She is easy-going, and is a blast to be with. The kids just dig her, and she connects so well with the girls. Sue and I have been doing youth ministry together for a lot of years, at least 4, I think. She's has such a servant's heart, and reminds me of Jesus in so many ways. She is always there to accentuate my weaknesses, and she's got a laugh that comes from her core and lights up the room.

Greg is my other leader. He's 19, but he's grown so much in the past year. Greg hangs with the kids the whole time and gets right into their world. He's a lot like me at that age, for better or for worse. Some of the things that used to annoy me the most about Greg, were some of my own qualities that grind on others. Greg's heart is huge, and he would give anyone the shirt of his back (or shoulder - you'll notice from some of the pictures that Greg has a VERY odd way of wearing shirts, and our mocking it perpetuates it). Greg is way ahead of where I was at when I was his age. He will continue to grow into an amazing man.

Jason has been going between Crossroads and the church he's working at over the summer down in Ohio (where his girlfriend, Jess lives). It's been pretty crazy, with him doing that on top of helping Noel with all of his teachings. I can't wait for him to start full-time as the Youth Pasor at Crossroads in September. It will be amazing.

Our talk went well tonight. We kicked it off with a great documentary video that Ken had made of one of his kids who'd received a very severe wound to a very private place. Broke the ice. Good stuff.

Another beautiful day. Noel did an amazing talk dealing with "The Giant of Christians". In this talk he talked about homosexuality - both what the bible has to say about homosexuality, and how we as Christians treat homosexuals and stack-rank the sin against our own. This talk hit hard. Not only was it skillfully and logically taught, but it really caused a lot of people to think - about their own self-righteousness and their treament of gays.

Ken Buck and I are doing a teaching tonight for High School guys only entitled "Tender moments with Dave and Ken". In short, we're dealing with masturbation and pornography and what God has to say about the topics. We've got some hilarious videos (Porn stunts your growth and Don't kill the kittens) that we're using from XXX Church. Laughter seems to take about some of the power of shame around this topic. This is a topic that kids want a safe place to talk about, and need to understand God's perspective on this. Dr. James Dobson is a smart guy when it comes to family stuff, and raising kids. This article summarizes most of what we're taling about tonight. Ken Buck and I should have a blast teaching this.

So last night right after I finished my blog entry, one of my kids came in my roomto talk. This is a kid who's been with me for about 5 years. He had a list of questions, questions about God and his faith. His concern was that because he had these questions, he was losing his faith. These were not simple questions, kid questions, but big, deep, thoughtful questions about God, about free-will, about creation and about evil. We talked for about an hour - one of those talks that makes the week of camp worthwhile.

I'm not sure if this is how the pastor of a church feels about his congregration, but I consider these kids 'mine'. Some of these kids I've gotten to watch grow up over the course of 6 or 7years, starting in Middle School and working their way through to becoming Juniors in Seniors in High School! I worry about them, I get excited for them, and I'm proud of them in a similar way a father is. (The downside for the girls is that when they date, I'm equally protective over them). I love them differently than my own three children, but these are my kids also. I've had a chance this week to tell a few of them how proud I am of them, at how I've seen Christ formed in them and who they've become. This pas fall during Survivor, it was like a Fusion reunion, where big gorup of my older kids would come over and watch TV, and we'd just hang out and laugh for a couple of hours. I can't wait to see how that continues over these years, and to wait and see how they are transformed by their faith. Even as kids have walked away from God, some of them have still been willing to come to me and have the tough talks about where they're at. Not sure where I'm going with this, except to say that as a Youth Pastor, there are parts of me that feel like a parent, in the same way I do a friend and shepard to them.

Still at camp. Another great day. The relationships are really gelling between the kids, and they're getting into the grove of things. I just heard one of my guys walking down the hall singing one of the worship songs to himself. Kids who wouldn't normally be involved in worship, are. There's a kid who I've struggled with all week and prayed for all week. I had no clue if he was paying attention, but trusting God would move in him. Tonight he did. He asked a question that showed he'd really been processing stuff. I've had a number of kids come up to me to talk about what God's doing in their hearts this week. The kids are having a blast, and God is moving powerfully. Tomorrow starts to hit harder, as camp sinks in and the speakers both begin to focus their talks.

Cathie comes back from Mexico tomorrow! Here's something I find completely amazing. Kasey Harmon (one of my ex-Fusion kids, no less) watched my kids for 36 of the hours that Cathie and I were gone. Not only did she watch them, but she took the three of them (Nate - 6, Maddie - 5, Emily - 2) out to the movies and to the park. I know mom's and dad's of three who won't venture out alone with one kid, let alone three. The kids love her, and she genuinely love the kids - irregardless of how they behave. Kasey's a real extension of our family - she's watched our kids for the past four years, watched them grow up and become "people". She leaves for college this year. :(

Long day, but a great one. The relationships are starting to gel, I'm starting to really connect with the kids I've been working at building relationships all year long. Noel's teaching is stellar, and God's moving through it and we're seeing some tangible results. The theme at camp is "Five Smooth Stones", taken from the account of David and Goliath in Samuel. Before fighting Goliath, David chooses five stones to go into battle, and out of those chooses one. We're asking the same of the kids this week - to listen to God and hear five things, and to go forward from camp with one.

What a difference a good night's rest makes! We've got 29 kids and 3 leaders at camp. Not exactly optimal student, leader ratios, but we're doing the best with what we've got. The first couple days of camp are the hardest, because the kids still have lots of energy and some are still trying to establish that alpha-male ranking. Once they figure it out (that I am the alpha male), we're both much happier. Right now there's really only one kid that hasn't figured it out - he's a tough, sarcastic kid. My goal is to have a great, deep relationship with him by week's end.
I'm trying to remember to let myself be filled up throughout the week, and ruthlessely depend on God for sustinance. The morning worship and Noel's teaching are awesome for my heart. Noel is such an amazing teacher, his connection, his content and his relevance with the kids rocks. His wife does a great job taking the whole camp thing in stride, and his three kids just go with the flow.
I miss my kids even more-so because I know they're being bounced around from place to place this week. Today Kasey Harmon watches them until tomorrow afternoon. What better form of birth-control for an 18-year-old girl than to have 3 kids for 36 hours!

I woke up at 5:45 a.m., worked out, loaded up my car, and got ready to leave for camp. Cathie's parents came over this morning and I took off around 8 to meet up with the kids. After a sweat 5 hour bus ride, we arrived at camp. Camp is located at Kenyon College in Gambier, Ohio. Check out the pictures here. I'm beat, and I'm going to bed.

I've been reading some other great spiritual formation books, but hadn't been reading the bible regularly. I've heard people say that the only real place to go for truth was the bible, everything else is watered down. I've been trying to resolve that statement for myself. Is God's word just as active in a book that quotes the bible and extrapolates on the bible as it is reading the biblical text in itself? Can the Holy Spirit point to God's truth in movies, music and books? Pointing to biblical truth? Can that truth be as active in my heart as God's word? I wrestle with the fact that 10 people read the same verse and pull 10 different things from it. How is that more accurate or truth based than me reading a book that gives me a synoptic view of a topic? Anyways, during my quiet time this morning, God whispered a pretty simple truth to me - "Dave, if you get into my word, I'll bring it to life for you and touch your heart with it." Okay, gotta figure that one out. To prove the point, here's where I was at when I sat down this morning for my quiet time:
I was feeling pretty self-righteous yesterday, pissed off at a guy I worked with, mulling over the best way to ream him out for his condescending additude. Funny enough, I picked up my bible today, flipped it open and started reading. I opened it up to Luke 6 and started reading. Man, did it level me, from about 5 different angles:
"It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is disorted by contempt? It's this I-know-better-than-you mentality again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your own part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor."

I forgot to mention that I went to court to fight my ticket, and got it reduced to no points and a cheaper fine. Yesterday as I'm driving through East Lansing on the way home from seeing my Grandma in the hospital, someone pulls out in front of me while trying to make a left turn and scratches up my car. Oh well, it's just a car. No one was hurt. I felt bad for the girl who did it - I remember being a college student and having stuff like that happen. It sucks.

My life feels like it's in turmoil, and I feel like I don't have a second to breathe. Joe and I talked about the fact that stuff like this happens before every single youth ministry outing. I'm not one to blame everything on the devil, but I really feel like prior to these kind of events, Satan tries to take me out by pummeling my life and trying to wear me down so I'm useless when I get there. I'm going to have a tough time at camp leaving behind the stuff going on at work, cathie in mexico and the well-being of my kids while I'm away.

Cathie leaves for her Mexico Missions trip on Saturday morning, I leave for Velocity monday morning. Here's my life:
* Our baby-sitter situation fell through - my Grandma's in the hospital and my Mom isn't able to watch the kids.
* The other Crossroads leader (Willy) isn't able to go, leaving me to oversee 20 guys (Sue has the 6 girls under control).
* Work is ridiculous right now and pushing everyone to the point where people are seriously considering leaving. I'm going crazy trying to get loose ends tied up before I go to camp.
* I'm going to court today to see if I can get any relief for the ticket I was given when I smashed up my van while taking my jr. high small group out.

In all of this, I'm pretty okay. It sucks, but I guess that's how I know I'm alive. I had to come to grips with the fact that I need to be completely dependant on God to fill me in any circumstance - 20 kids, busy work, whatever. I have my moments of fret, but for the most part I'm coping.

Late night last night. Worked until about 2:15 am, and then woke up with the birds around 5:45 a.m. for some reason. Central time messes with my head. Work is getting a little painful lately. It's getting so hectic to the point that some of the best people on our team are talking about leaving. I'm taking it all in stride, but I'm better at saying no and pushing back than most people.

After 16 weeks of working out 6 days a week, I took last week off. Felt good. I'd gotten to the point where I just dreaded going to the gym, so I figured I needed a break. I started up again yesterday. It felt great. I'm back tonight and going to the gym tomorrow morning with Zach. Zach's one of old Fusion kids. He's a junior in High School now, but he started with me when he was this tiny little 6th grader.

I'm going to see Dave Matthews in concert on July 2nd at the Palace of Auburn Hills. Jason is such a DM weiner that I figured I should at least go to the concert and see what it's all about.

I'm sitting in the airport in Minneapolis on my way to Kansas City. They've got wireless internet access at the airport (for a small fee, of course), so it's a matter of just popping open my laptop and being productive during the two hours I'm waiting.

My time with God has sucked lately. Not only has it been a low priority, but I don't look forward to it the way I used to. I go through cycles, and this is one of them. I'm at camp all next week - between leaders and students, I think we're looking at around 30 people from Crossroads going. It'll be a crazy week, and most of my time with God will consist of time time I'm walking from one event to another, in Worship and conversations with kids. Even with all of the craziness at camp, I somehow end up feeling closer to God than I was when I walked in. I think it's a combination of the people, the focus of my heart, and the lack of distractions. Because Cathie will be on a missions trip in Mexico the same time I'm at camp, we're having to juggle different people watching the kids while we're both gone. Originally, my Mom had the lions share of the time but we found out yesterday that she's not going to able to because my grandma broke her arm and needs some pretty regular care from my mom. We're still trying to figure out the logistics of all this, having the kids go between three or four people throughout the week. Should be interesting. So far we've got Cathie's Mom, Kasey Harmon and my sister-in-law in the equation.

I've been going back and forth between this blog and my more private, paper-journal. I'm having problems figuring out what to put where. I like my blog, because I can type faster than I can write, and things flow better. There are things in my journal that I don't put in my blog, and my journal is more of a conversation with God than a random mumbling. The overlap is when I'm laying out to God where I'm at in my life, a lot of which occurs here. Just the process of thinking through these kind of things enough to write them out is kind of meditative and clarifying. When I'm more focused on my blog, most of my initimate conversation with God happens throughout the day instead of during the time I set aside in the morning. My relationship with God lately feels less intimate and more cereberal. I think this is why I was pretty melancholy last night during the PS.42 service. The focus was on our re-creation and re-generation over the summer. We started out by journaling around what our summer looks like in terms of going deeper with God. The picture that comes to mind for me is sitting quietly on my deck first thing in morning, and in the evening, with a cup of coffee or glass of scotch and cigar (scotch and cigar in the evening) reading, relaxing and thinking. I'm probably just getting old, but that's what resonates with me for quality time this summer. During the worship that followed, I was kind of inside myself, chewing on this question, and pondering the question of how I desire God. I began to beat myself up and feel pretty ashamed at what a horrible job I do pursuing God as my one desire, and became pretty overwhelmed at the idea that I would ever achieve that. It was then that I heard God's voice speak through the chaff, and remind me of who I am to him, his David, the name that he's given me, the identidy that he's given me. It was kind of surreal, but these words were like light shining through a foggy darkness. I'd been trying to figure out how I'd get to where I need to be on my own - to use the metaphor of the kite from PS.42, like a kite that I'm running with to keep aloft instead of waiting for the wind to do the job. I so often want to change instantly, and not wait on God. The second question we journaled on was around what needs to be recreated in us this summer. Two things for me - I need to continue to redefine my orbit and daily renew my identidy in Christ. Neither of which I will do on my own, neither of which I CAN do on my own. I will try and be patient, try and trust, but I can't really do either of those on my own either. I want so badly to be reformed, that I forget that it's not me doing it, not my job. I know that I still am not completely convicned of this, but I know that I need to wait, to be obedient and to follow.

For those of you who've wondered what it's like in Missouri, here you go. One of the guys on my team is an ametuer photographer and he took some very cool pictures of the bed and breakfast we live at and the campus where we're working.

Brad, Bill and I have finished up our 12 week contest. We basically setup a 12 week contest with different goals in terms of body-fat, working out,eating and spiritual development. We've done this a number of times, and each time we've tweaked it a little. We incorporated the spiritual aspsect into the points system because in the past during htis contest we made our physical bodies such a huge deal and totally neglected our spiritual growth. Each week, over the course of six days, we receive a point for each day we follow our eating plan (six meals a day, balanced protein and carbs, low fat), working out (3 days of cardio, 3 days of weights) and two points for spiritual formation. Of the 288 possible points in this area, I received 274. On the flip side, there were 300 points riding on hitting our body-fat-loss goals. At the beginning we used a formula to get a baseline body-fat measurement using a combination of our weight and waist measurement. I started out at 22% and was at 11% body-fat at the end of the contest - my goal was 12%. Because I hit my goal, I received all 300 points. Brad, Bill and I all worked hard on this whole deal. The rankings are as follows:
1. Dave - 574/588
2. Bill - 483/588
3. Brad - 400/588

I was listening to the song "Hold Me Now" by Jennifer Knapp this morning. The chorus to this song just blows me away.

From glass alabaster she poured out the depths of her soul.
O foot of Christ would you wait if her harlotries known?
falls a tear to darken the dirt.
Of humblest offerings to forgive the hurt.
She is strong enough to stand in your love.
I can hear her say..I am weak.
I am poor, I'm broken Lord but I'm yours.
Hold me Now. hold me Now.
Let the first without sin cast the first stone if you will.
To say that my bride isn't worth half the blood that I've spilled.
Point your finger and laugh if you choose to say my beloved is borrowed and used (chorus)

Simple, but what an awesome encapsulation of the gospel! The prostitute, the adultress and the church - three images bathed in jesus's blood and grace. It's so easy for me to become self-righteous and proud and forget how desparately I need Jesus - his blood, his grace. I can forget so quickly who I am - going from sitting at his feet to blatantly flipping him off. What blows me away is that I'm forgiven time and time again, welcomed back time and time again.

Things have been crazy at work. I started at 5:30 am today and I'm working pretty much straight through until about 10:00 p.m. I'd rather have the crazy stuff happen while I'm away from my family, so I'm not taking time away from them.

Joe, Will, Brad, Jason and I have had an interesting on-going discussion around some of the ideas from the book Wild at Heart, specifically the concepts in the book about the christian man as a warrior and the equality of women. Joe holds one perspective, the rest of us hold the other/correct one. The great thing about this is that we can agree on so much more, be a part of the same church, and agree to disagree while still living in community - and even have a civil discussion around this(peppered with sarcasm, of course). One more reason why I church is such an amazing representation of the body of christ.

I'm in Missouri this week, all week. It looks like I'm heading to Minneapolis next week for a few days at least.

I've been thinking a lot about the church over the past two days. It started with an interesting conversation I had with Nate and Madeline. It was Sunday morning and we were getting ready for church, and we started talking about why we love Crossroads and how it's part of the overall church that Jesus called the his bride. We talked about how our church was made up of people that are different colors, sizes and ages and how our church loves people so well - all of this being what makes the bride beautiful. Later that day at church we had our intergenerational service, where it's adults and kids together, doing worship. It was especially unique today because we were in the commons area of the high school and had church "in the round" as opposed to facing the stage in the auditorium. As you looked around, all you saw was this huge group of people - people in different places on their spiritual journey, in their lives - babies, teenagers, adults - all colors, from mobile homes to million dollar homes. What an awesome picture of the chuch. This morning on the plane, I was continuing to read through ROTH and was reading on the transformation of the social dimension of our lives, specifically on the church's role in this transformation. He proceeds to define the characteristics of the church, based on Romans 12:1-21. The list includes 22 characteristics, such as "Letting love be completely real, Rejoicing in hope, Living in harmony with each other, Not being haughty and beging devoted to prayer. I sat there astonished as I read through this list, because of how they were such core characteristics of our church. Crossroads isn't perfect, but I think we are moving closer and closer to what the church is supposed to be to this world.