I've started listening to Worship music in my workouts again, and it's been great. Periodically, a song will strike me and I'll just sit there for a few minutes in between sets and think about the words, pray and worship in the moment. I love the lyrics to Come, Thou Fount. The lyrics are old english (I have no idea what a fetter is), but they really hit me:

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bing my wand’ring heart to thee:
Prone to wander , Lord I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for thy courts above.

Early yesterday morning, Thursday, October 30, we lost a friend, a father, an inspiration. Co-founder and owner of Youth Specialties (YS), Mike Yaconelli, was in a fatal car accident in northern California late Wednesday evening. Read more here.

Mike was a huge inspiration to me through the Youth Specialties conferences and his books (Dangerous Wonder, Messy Spirituality). He was the champion of Youth Pastors, encouraging them and standing up for them - still a rebel who hadn't bought into the institution even after 50. He touted a relationship with God that was real, messy and imperfect. My heart is still really sad about this loss, even though he wasn't a close personal friend.

We had our annual Halloween party at the Niemi's last Sunday, where even the adults get dressed up. Cathie was a biker babe (complete with multiple tattoos) and I grew my hair into a nice long mullett. Madeline was a green haired witch, Nate a power ranger and emily a very cute Care Bare. More Pictures Here

I flew in from Lousivlle, KY last night to Kansas City, MO by way of Houston, TX. Since I had about 4 ½ hours on the plane last night, I watched the movie The Outlaw Jose Wales on my laptop. What a movie and what a character! This movie really connected with me – not because of some amazing story of redemption intertwined in the plot, but because of Jose Wales character. Jose Wales was an historical figure, a guerilla fighter against the Union army during the Civil War. It didn’t matter what the situation was or how outnumbered he was – he always came through in a pinch. He never abandoned his friends or the hurting people he came along in his travels, he always did the right thing. I think every guy hopes when he’s in similar situations, he’d respond the same way Jose Wales did - that they have what it takes, and I think that’s why this movie really grabbed me. There’s a part of me that thinks that if I were in similar situation I would blow it, take the easy way out, not come through in a pinch. I know that’s not who I am at the core – but I have my doubts at times.

I was reading Romans 8:30-32 this morning:

After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.
So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us?

It’s so easy for me to gloss over what this says. I remember the day it connected with me – I was listening to a youth camp speaker, Brett Ray speak on this verse. It was a very defining moment in my relationship with God, the day I understood that God loves his son as much as I love mine, and that it was just as hard to allow Jesus to be put to death in my place as it would be for me to allow my son Nate to be sacrificed. Maybe I’m the only one who never got that point, but I figured that God being who he is and all didn’t have that tough a time with allow Jesus to die, because he was perfect after all and knew how the sacrifice would redeem us all. God being a trinity, I thought that it wasn’t the same relationship as the one Nate and I have. When all of this clicked, it was like a light bulb going on in my head and I wept.

I'm staying at a beautiful hotel in Louisville, KY called the Seelbach Hilton. It's a beautiful, majestic place that's been around forever. I'm on the concigere level, which all sorts of perks - h'oderves last night included Lox and beef tips with various desserts - who needs dinner. To top it off, my door has a nice little box I can leave my shoes in and have them shined and ready to go first thing in the morning.

Zach Bashista and I lead a small group of 10 junior high guys and we call ourselves the Pyros (Mostly because all boys love to burn stuff) I got a cool note from the Mom of one of them regarding our meeting on Sunday night that really touched me:

Thank you for last night’s small group. It was a perfect topic for XXXX. He has been struggling big time, moving into an environment where it is not “O.K.” to be who he is, i.e. thoughtful, kind, smart, an independent thinker. I have been encouraging him to be defined by Jesus, not by peers. It was great to have him hear that from someone he actually respects. The way he has been defining his feelings for me lately is, “I’ve felt bad about my environment before but I’ve never felt bad about myself.”
Thank you once again for taking a Sunday night away from your family, for pouring your heart into middle school kids. You make a difference.

Our group has been going through pieces of the book Wild At Heart, looking at who Jesus was (not the flannelgraph Jesus, but the dangerous, radical, revolutionary Savior of the world) and looking at who we are to him. We started our group off talking about all of the names we've been called in our lives and how we've responded to them. Jr. High guys have been called everything in the book - and every name hurts - short, fat, stupid, faggit, wimp and worse - each name leaves a wound. We talked about who we are to God, and the stone that Revelations talks about with our name on it, and the importance of knowing that name - knowing who we really are to Him. We watched the clip from Gladitator where Maximus states his entire name to the Emperor, and the clip from the Matrix where Neo begins to believe that he is not just "Mr. Anderson" as the Agent tries to convince him. Here's the miraculous part - eight junior high guys spent 3 minutes quietly listening to God, asking him to tell them who they are to him, and writing down what they heard. 3 Minutes for 9 guys with ADD (I include myself in that) is miraculous! What an amazing group of guys - watching them grow from being these tiny immature 6th graders to where they're at now is a blast!

Wow. This article on the Way of the Cross really struck me.

Had a bunch of people over for Survivor last night, and Jason, Cath, Megan, Tim, Jess and I had an interesting discussion on where to draw the lines with what kind of movies we see. The discussion was prompted by J, Tim and I seeing Kill Bill Tuesday night. We were talking about how to balance Philippians 4:8 with Galatians 5:13-15 and Proverbs 4:23. We really didn't come to any conclusions - find any specific line in the sand. There are easy lines to draw around things such as X rated movies - but what about the gray areas? How do you balance finding redemption and the larger story of movies like Braveheart and Gladiator with the violence that the movies have in them? Is violence okay, but not gore? At what point am I not guarding my heart? I'm not sure.

For $30 you can have the celebrity of your choice call your friend for 30 seconds at Hollywoodiscalling.com. I think I'll have Beetlejuice call my brother Jon for his birthday.... Or else the Barbi Twins.

I just got done reading a great article in relevant about a guy's struggle with self righteousness in terms of sin, specifically in how he views homosexuals - not in terms of right and wrong, but pompusness. I'm there (not gay - self righteous). This really struck me:

I’m certain I’m not the only person who shakes his head at the sight of two men kissing—not out of prudence but out of some pompous belief that I am above them. The only reason one is shocked by sin is because he denies his own. Jesus hated sin more than anybody, but He was never shocked by it.

I've been working out of the office all week, and have been pretty unproductive. I've accomplished a lot of little things, but no real major accomplishments. I've been running pretty hard at work, and have needed a break, but I feel like a slacker when I have these kind of days.

Next week I'm down at the University of Louisville in Kentucky for a few days, then to Park University and the week after that it looks like I'm starting a project at Okaland University - a little closer to home. I see a pattern here.

I've finally made it big-time I guess - I made the Park University web site. Park University is the project I've been working on for the past year or so down in Missouri.

Brad and I went and worked out yesterday with Dan Reynolds and Kirk Vickers. Kirk is an ex-boxer and personal trainer who owns his own gym in Novi. It's a gym much more geared towards athletes than for pumping iron. Many of the exercises are around strength, coordination and reflex training - taking a very different approacht than what I"ve been doing for the past few years. I've gotten into a real rut with my workout, and I'm hoping for something to change it up a little bit. We worked out for two hours - starting with all sorts of funky warm-ups did some crazy super-sets and then some killer ab workouts. The best part of the workout was doing it together with a group of guys. I've been working out without a partner for a while, and it's just not fun for me. I really enjoy hanging out with Dan and Kirk. Dan is the worship leader at Crossroads and is a great guy - he toured in a band for 5 years touring and is the kind of guy who can get along with just about anyone and has a dry and pretty subtle sense of humor. Looking at Kirk, he comes across as a pretty intimidating guy - built like a boxer with the nose to match. He's a great teacher in the gym, and an easy guy to talk to. I'm going to try and do this workout routine all week with them and see where it ends up.

Cath took off this weekend to hang out with my sister Susan and sister-in-law Kris, supposedly to work on their photo album/scrapbooks. Kevin and Gabe came to stay with us, and Dan came over with Andrew, Matthew and Stephen for the day. We had a great time, but I was beat by the end of the day.
They're doing some construction behind our house, so we went back there and played on some of the equipment and huge dirt piles. You can see the pictures here.

I'm in Kansas City this morning. I flew in yesterday to kick off a project down here at Park University again. We've got a large team on this, 8 people total, and a very short time line of 8 weeks. I fly out today through Lansing. Just got an e-mail that I've been upgraded to first class on both legs. Nice. Gotta love the little things in life. I can't wait to be home. Next week - NO TRAVEL.

I spent some time this morning journaling on Galatians 5:13:

It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows.

I went through and made of list of those areas that I most like to ignore God - to indulging my sinful nature, and how those prevent me from serving others.

Just read this article while sitting on the can. Interesting perspective on the nature of community and the change to more of a tribal nature in our communities.

Noel did as series called "The Hate People". It deals with the how many people have the perspective that Christianity is a faith of hate - looking at how Christians have contributed to this, and what the bible has to say about these areas. These are some of the Noel best teachings I've heard Noel give. I love hearing him teach. He has such an amazing way of critically analyzing what's going on in the world around us, in the church and in God's word. He takes these three threads and weaves them together to produce very hard hitting messages. Noel is a lot like Neo in the way he can read the code of the Matrix (these three threads) and make amazing sense of it all. He pulls humor and relevance into his messages that make them great to listen to.

There are four teachings (you can download the related mp3 by clicking on the link):
* Culture
* Morality
* Women
* Homosexuality

We went to the Pumpkin Patch today and had a great time. What a beautiful day to do it! There was this huge corn maze, which the kids loved. Only minor casulties resulting from nate accidently dumping his sisters out of the wheelbarrow. I wanted so badly to work on projects around the house - I'm really glad I did this instead.

Monkeys controlling robots! My guess - this is the key plot in the upcoming Matrix movie.

Just checking in online for my flight tomorrow. The world's dumbest question:
Would you like to upgrade to First Class on your flights from Lansing, MI to Kansas City, MO if available?

Sanctuary (our bi-monthly student worship service) hit me hard last night - thinking about my relationship with God from a lot of angles, one being faith and putting it into practice. I sat there during worship and felt so disconnected with God. Worship's always been something that connected my heart to him in a deep way, beyond my head into my heart - yet yesterday, I "felt" nothing, and it seems to have been that way for a while with worship, and it just struck me. I did a lot of dwelling on why - where my walk with God is at. I've spent a lot of time journaling, but not in intimate conversation with him. I feel disconnected with - even though I've spent time reading the bible and praying, coming to him with big and little things. Almost like a long distance friendship that's happened over e-mail - it's just missing the intimacy. Listening to music focused on Christ throughout the day was something that would continually draw me back, and I've really gotten away from that. I've gotten tired of the "worship genre" of music, but I realize that the music was an intimate part of my relationship with God .
Where is my faith right now? How have I been putting it into practice? Jason taught last night on James 2 - knowing the right words and not doing anything with your faith. When's the last time I've been in a situation where my faith has reallly been put to the test God? Am I stretching myself in any area, or just running fast in my life, but not really going anywhere? Traveling so much over the past 10 weeks, I feel like I've been living a compressed life - being responsibel for a multi-million dollar deal at work, trying to fit in my role as a dad, husband, friend, small group leader, and fusion youth pastor are all given so few cycles right now, that I'm not really able to give any of them the time they deserve. I think I'm doing the best I can with what I've got, but I'm not even sure where God is at in all of that. Is this an area I need to let him in more - and stretch myself?
The other part of J's talk focused on the fact the fact that Christ came to give us abundant life. In the midst of everything going on in my life, I am full. Even having to run at a million miles an hour, I'm not drained, and I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. How do I reconcile putting faith to the test, and living an abundant life? Not sure.

Mack, my mentor within the company is down in Kansas with me, as we're getting ready to present to the board of trustees for our customer down here. We had dinner tonight and we got to talking about famous people that we've met. Mack was in the Army for 22 years, in special forces, as a full-bird Colonel. He has been with Ronald Regan in the White House Situation Room as he has conducted briefings, he's worked with Colin Powell, met Margret Thatcher, been in combat numerous times as part of Special Ops. I'm a big fan of good stories, and he's got some great ones. He's been a great mentor - very humble, sure enough of himself that work doesn't become an ego deal for him. I'm home tomorrow evening around 8PM.

I'm in Missouri again. Flew in yesterday morning, after getting up at 4:30 AM to get to the airport. It was a long day, full of off-site meetings with our customer, followed by a late dinner and drinks. I got to my hotel around 11:30PM and collapsed, only to wake up an hour later wide awake, having to wake up at 6AM for a meeting. I couldn't force myself to sleep until about 3AM - and I'm a little groggy this morning.

I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself this morning - for traveling, being away from my family and whatever else I could find to find. As I'm standing there taking a leak, I started praying - reflecting on all of the things I have to be thankful for:
My Job - it's flexability, my great compensation, working for a great boss, in an excellent company with great freedom to be at home as much as I am, people that I enjoy working with so much.
My Family - Having such amazing kids who are so much fun and so wonderful, A beautiful wife who loves me and supports me unconditionally
My Church - A church that is so loving, so caring and values people of all kinds so much, that gives me the freedom to do youth ministry the way we do it, a church that is so authentic with such amazing leadership, grace and love.
My Friends - A group of people that love me and accept me where I'm at for who I am, who would do anything for me, and are such a blast to hang out with.

I didn't feel quite so sorry for myself after all of that. All of that while taking a leak - impressive, eh?

Interesting article on Anne vs. Carly. At least it's interesting to me. I'm also probably the only one who thinks the two should appear on Celebrity Deathmatch together.

I'm reading The Art of the Steal by Frank Abagnale. This is the guy whose life the movie/book Catch me if you Can is based on. The Art of the Steal deals with how to protect your personal and business assets from con men, but at the core are some amazing stories about cons that occur, and Frank's life and perspective on where's he's at today.

I love this reminder about prayer, and the importance of the minutae of our life to God. I know how often I feel that God's not that concerned with the day to day crap of my life, and blown away when he answers my prayer. The author of the article is new christian - I still struggle with this idea after 20 years.

Jon (my brother) came down last night, and he, Jason and I went to Nate's Karate class. You're thinking yee-ha! Attending a kid's Karate class! Jon drove 2 hours each way to attend this Karate class. It's that amusing. We signed Nate up for this class through Community Ed, not knowing much about it. It's very unique. It's a non-profit organization that teaches a form of Karate that never makes you hit another person and they start the class by hugging each student. I like to think of it as liberal karate. Everyone tries their best, and lreally, isn't that good enough? The instructor is a very nice guy who means well, but tells some hilarious stories, that he doesn't mean to be funny. Jon, Jason and I sat on the sidelines trying not to embaress ourselves by laughing too loudly. There's also a guy who looks just like Dave Matthews (Don't mention this to Jason, it makes him VERY angry). Anyways, the dave-matthews-looking-guy comes there with his son, and between them, know EVERYTHING, or so they think. They ask all the questions, raise their hands to answer all of the questions, and do every move with a little extra uumph. They're actually in another class, and come as "Visitors" to this class. They tuck a dollar in their belts, and loudly ask "Sensei - may I present my visitor dollar?" They bow low, and hand their dollar to the instructor with reverence. Reading all of this doesn't capture the humor in this class. Jason's really the only one who I've heard describe it and truly capture what goes on there. Put it this way, Jon felt like it was worth the drive from Grand Rapids, and Jason hasn't missed a week sitting on the sidelines. This was the icing on the cake yesterday - turns out it was parents day. I had to be in the class and participate, while Jason and Jon watched on the sidelines as I looked like a fool, with dave-matthews-looking-guy grinding his butt into my pelvis on one of the moves. About fourty minutes in, Nate decided that uncle Jon should participate, and Jon got to go through a hilarious sparring exercise with the instructor. Nate thought Jason should have a turn, and Jason got there in just enough time to get a hug from the instructor. Jon and I were rolling on the ground at this point, wetting ourselves laughing. This is the third or fourth week I've shown up there with another man to watch Nate in the class. I'm pretty sure they think that Jason is my life-partner, and that Nate is our adopted son. Go figure.

On Saturday we went to Lansing for my nephew Gabe's birthday party . With my family, even a little kid's birthday is a good time. Will was there (hitting on my mom as usual) - at least I got a little cuddle time in with him. Will is like an adopted brother in our family, with all of the privileges and responsibilities that go along with that, including attending little kids birthday parties. The pictures don't quite capture the sarcasm and mockery that go on at these parties. Kevin's (my brother in-law) family was there as well, and I think they just sit back and shake their heads sometimes at these parties, though they're probably used to it by now.

On Sunday, we had Paintball, at the futureball course in Whitmore Lake. We had about 50 people total and it was a great time. They have a new urban assault course that involves a simulated village, with houses and cars. I thought I'd be aggressive on that one, and ended up getting the crap kicked out of me, lit up about 20 times in the face and back.

There's a a new sixth grader in Fusion who I really like. He's pretty young for his age, and pretty hesitant to connect in. He's hyperactive, but he's just the kind of kid I love to pour into. We don't have a ton of sixth grade guys this year, so he's going to join my Pyros small group.

If you get a chance, e-mail Will and tell him to update his blog. He hasn't touched the thing in over a month. Encourage him to either kill the thing, or keep it current. He'd especially like it you mention that he only started a blog because I did.

I've been thinking for a while about getting another tattoo - probably on the back of my calf. Here are the two that I've been thinking about.

Cool way to kill time with this Games Site

Just read this artcle on Holy Sex by Phillip Yancey discussing the spiritual nature of our sexuality. It's easy to find articles that point out how "The World" (Which last time I checked, we're a part of) has distorted God's version of sexuality. This article addresses how the church's response to "The World's" version of sexuality has distorted the world's view of sex further:

I dwell on the church's severe attitude toward sex because I believe we Christians bear heavy responsibility for the counter reaction so evident in modern society. Jesus treated those who had fallen into sexual sins with compassion and forgiveness, and reserved his harshest words for the hidden sins of hypocrisy, pride, greed, and legalism. How is it that we who follow him use the word "immoral" to signify sexual sins almost exclusively, and reserve church discipline for those who fail sexually?

Here are the pictures of my project team at Park University (the project I've been working on in Missouri for the past year). In the back row is the project team, and in the front row is Dorla - our project sponsor, Dr. Bev - the President of Park University and Anne Mulcahy - the President and CEO of Xerox. The other picture is of me sharing a whitty moment with the team. I'm sure I was saying something profound.

Now this is the kind of research I'm willing to put my hard earned money behind.

I've started reading the book Fearless Faith by John Fischer. A friend of mine, Ken Buck, reccomended this book to me. It does a great job articulating the case against the separatist christian subculture that exists, that I've been guilty of being apart of, and like to rail against. The book deals with the idea of how Christians will isolate themselves from the world around them in order to be "set apart". Christians have tried to create their own clothing lines, music, videos and more, believing that it will protect them from the outside world.

I was sitting in the Mobile airport yesterday having my shoes shined, and started talking to woman next to me about the Flora-bama (The bar I went to down on the Alabama/Florida border Wednesday night). She mentioned what a great place it was, and told me that one of the first times she was there, the singer sounded and looked just like Jimmy Buffett. Turns out it was him, and that he shows up there fairly often to play impromptu sets. Might not mean much to you, but Buffett is one of the people I'd love to sit down and have a beer with before I die.

I was in Florida and Alabama today. After finishing up at the customer site, Greg, Glenn and I headed down to the Gulf Shores for dinner. It was about an hour drive from Mobile, AL, but it was worth ever minute. The beaches are beautiful, the water was warm, and it was very scenic. We headed over to the Florida border, to a bar called the Flora-bama. Glen's an Alabama native, but Greg and I were a little hesitant. When you first walk into the place, you walk through a liquor store, into the bar itself. The place had great character, and it turns out, this is a place that Jimmy Buffett mentions in his book, and the song Ragtop Days and in his book Tales from Margaritaville. Buffett grew up in the Gulf Shores/Mobile area, and he mentions it in a lot of his songs. I want to come back here with Cathie - what a great place to kick-back, relax, and enjoy the weather.

I'm finishing up earlier tomorrow that I originally thought. That means I get to fly out tomorrow at 10:40 AM, getting into Detroit by 4:00 PM as opposed to 8:15 PM! Big survivor party tomorrow night at my place. Be there or be square.

Next week should be my last week of travel for a little while. I have a day trip to Kansas City on the 14th, but that's all that's out there for a while.... Lately, it seems that every time I tell Cathie that I'll hope for a while, something else pops up. We've got a potential project in Washington D.C. coming up - part of me wants to run with it, part of me wants to stay home and have some down time for a while. It's the tension of balancing my job and family, doing what I love and am comitted to at work, verses making sure I keep my family as my number one priority. It could be worse, I could be thrashing over not having a job at all.

For some reason, I woke up about 5:00 am. I lay there for a few, but eventually, headed downstairs to the gym and exercised for a while, before coming back up to my room to get ready. I'm back working as an expert witness on a lawsuit down in Mobile with two of my co-workers, Greg and Glen.

I was listening to a song from a while back called This World by Caedmon's Call. It's got some great lyrics that really strke me:

This world has nothing for me
And this world has everything
All that I could want
And nothing that I need

On a daily basis, I check out a site called techbargains.com and see great deals on stuff that I really have no need for, but love to own. I'll buy something, desparately wait for it to arrive, and then move on to my next acquisition. Irrational as it is, there's a part of me that really believes that these things will give me life, complete me. I guess as I look at my life over the past 10 years, at least I'm pursuing things that are a little healthier, I don't do it as frequently, and I at least recognize that it's a pattern in my life. That's growth, right?

I'm in my hotel room flipping between news channels, and the CIA leak is the only thing anyone wants to talk about. Oh for Ben and J-Lo to be back in the news...