I did load up this morning at church. One of nameless people who read this blog didn't show, so I did it solo, which blows. Loading up and carting around these 200lb cases with another person is bearable, doing it by myself sucked. My only satisfaction was calling Matt (oops, I slipped) every fifteen minutes, starting at 6:45AM and leaving him voicemails. My goal was for him to turn on his phone and have 20 messages waiting for him.

Not sure if it was because of father's day, school just getting out, or the fact that it was the giving campaign Sunday - but there were a lot of empty seats at 10AM when church started. By a lot, I mean less than 10 seats were full. Now it's amazing how many people show up between 10:00 and 10:05, but even well into the service, it was pretty empty. I sat there pretty pissed off at God, trying to figure out what He was thinking, hosing us like this on a pretty important Sunday, and in general with our church. I've been focusing a lot on Isaiah 40 lately, having it up on my fridge, going back to it pretty frequently:

²⁷ Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?

²⁸ Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

I wasn't really interested in thinking about that this morning though, I was kind of enjoying the self-pity and going at it with God. Both songs in the worship seemed to go back to the Isaiah stuff I'd been thinking about. The first was a song called Unfailing Love by Chris Tomlin:

You have my heart
And I am Yours forever
You are my strength
God of grace and power

And everything You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for me
I can't understand
Praise You God of Earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love

And You never change God You remain
The Holy One
My unfailing love
Unfailing love

The song then changed to another one, Shout to the Lord, which has a part that struck me:

Hold me close,
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near,
Draw me to Your side
And as I wait,
I'll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You,
Your Spirit leads me on
In the power of Your Love

I sensed a theme here. Jason then did the message on Psalm 37, specifically around this part:

³ Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

⁴ Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

⁵ Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

It was an awesome message, and Jason was able to work in plenty of clips from Ground Hogs Day and Happy Gilmore. I love hearing J each, and he nailed this message as usual. I sat right behind a couple who had just buried their son the day before after he'd died in a motor-cycle accident, trying to figure out what these word could really mean to them, what these words would mean to me if I were in there shoes. Even they laughed at the Ground Hog's Day clips.
Before the message, they passed a basket out for people to submit their pledges and checks for the property. We ended the service wtih an annoucement on where we're at with the fund drive for the property at that moment. The fund-raising consultants basically told us that in this short window of time, basically 45 days, we'd be able to raise about $60-$90k, but pretty much that we should be prepared to be disappointed. We've got $114k from 27 people, needing another only $26k for the downpayment on our property before the end of July. I'm excited about this property. We've been in a high school for 12 years, at least since I've been going to church here, without ever having a glimmer on the horizon for property. We're close. We're going to make it. I can taste it.

I like the fact that it shows that we're still alive and kicking to all of the people who left because the thought after all of this crap we'd wither up and die. One of the last women who left sent out a mean note chastizing the church for a lack of "vision, leadership and focus" along with wanting her daughter to be a part of a vibrant youth ministry. (Joke's on her, we've got 40 kids going to camp and her daughter decided to continue going to our church.) Everything's not perfect, but at least we're moving forward, not wallowing in our crap (except for me this morning) and healing. As I said before, I'm in it for the long haul at this church.