Sunday, May 14, 2006

Seriously – 100% your fault

A friend of mine from work sent me this e-mail yesterday. First some background: Doug is a funny guy. Most people don't know that. Even those that know Doug well. I think he is because frankly, Doug and I have pretty similar sense of humor. Over the past 6 months, I've been telling Doug about the comedian Dane Cook. Now Dane's humor isn't for everyone. His language is pretty harsh and it takes a special sense of humor to get him. Some of his stuff isn't for me, but some of it's very, very funny. Anyways, Doug was getting tired of me constantly harassing him about listening to Dane Cook, so he finally got a chance.

side note: Doug happens to look just like Patton Oswalt, the guy who places Spence on the show King of Queens.

Seriously – 100% your fault.

It’s a lovely Saturday. I should be working on my home remodel, but my wife is at a wine tasting with her girlfriends, I have the house to myself, it’s a GORGEOUS 85-degree day, and I decide that I’m not going to be cooped up inside; I’m going to wash cars.

I just got a video iPod, and I downloaded my music library to it. Including Dane Cook. I figured I would get you off my back and finally listen to Retaliation. I hooked up my external speakers and set the volume pretty low. But I noticed that when I’m using the garden hose, I can’t hear the sound, so I crank it up.

Right at the time when I turned off the hose (and thus the volume is pretty loud), my neighbors across the street and next door *both* come outside. They’re both wonderful, church-going Christians, and we socialize with the latter (we’re seeing them for dinner tonight, actually).

So they walk outside just in time to hear Dane Cook scream, “I’LL #$#$@#$ KILL YOU!!”

Now, if you’re ever on a game show, and the question is, “How long does it take a new iPod owner realize that the fastest way to kill the sound is to yank the headphone wire out of it?”, the answer is, “Just long enough for Dane Cook to scream ‘I’LL #$#$#$#$ KILL YOU!!’ for a second time to elderly Christians.”

Nice, really. I can’t wait until my wife gets home and talks to our neighbors.
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Monaca said...

Now that is a good story! Now Dave, maybe you should hook him up with some "craig-christ" to blast to the elderly christian neighbors next weekend?!?

Dave said...

That's genius, Monaca. That'll push them over the edge.