Em at the Schultz's

The Kohne's were kind enough to let Maddie stay over last night and the Schultz's watched Emily last night. As sad as I feel, I can't help smiling when I look at this picture.

My Mom

My Mom is fading quickly. The Hospice nurse came today and said that the end is coming soon, likely in the next 24 hours. I am very sad, but I have this joy in me from what I've experienced with my Mom and the rest of my family this week. It's a weird contradiction. I have things locked in my heart from this week that will be with me forever.

I sat by my Mom's bed this morning reading her some of her favorite Psalms. She's not responsive to us any more, but when I stopped reading, she lifted an eyebrow to tell me to keep going. She's radiating such a beauty even though the cancer tried to take it from her. I am sad.

Riding Grandma's New Chair

My Grandma got this new scooter and she has not wanted anyone to look at it or touch it. Dan tried to ride it the other day and got yelled at, after he got done breaking her TV (he turned the volume down and didn't show her how to turn it back up again). Beth and I were over visiting yesterday and when she left the room for a second, I was able to take it for quick ride.

Stroller Ride

My brother Dan and I decided to take Libby and Ben out for a walk and get out of the house. We walked through the neighborhood until Dan had the bright idea to take the strollers on the wood-chip covered nature trail. It was like plowing a dirt field the wheels of the stroller. Libby cried without her Mom and Dad nearby. Ben just loved the attention.

The whole thing tired Dan and Ben out.

Dr. Bethie

My sister-in-law Beth (she's just like a real sister, but if I referred to her as that and to her husband Jon as my brother, it would be strange to people) is a phenomenal doctor. She is doing her fellowship at St. Jude's Children's Hospital in Memphis in hemotology and oncology. She is one of the smartest people you'll ever meet tempered by the fact that she's one of the kindest and most humble people you'll ever meet. Jon clearly married up. Way up.

She was featured in a Memphis magazine as an up-and-coming doctor that talked about why she'd chosen to live in Memphis. Beth and I were over at my Grandma's yesterday and I read the article to my Grandma, adding in a few lines to the effect of, "Dr. Kurt attributes much of her success to her brother-in-law Dave who has been both an inspiration and source of strength in her journey towards healing others." My Grandma didn't buy it.

Sarah

This story is a little strange, but it's tempered with enough love and kindness that you probably won't be too creeped out. Before I share it with you there are two important things to know about the Kurt family:
1. We are very inclusive about adding people to our family
2. We love good stories

A few months back, a person named Sarah started reading our family's blogs. She left some nice comments on them and started e-mailing back and forth with a few of us. Her and Susan got to know each other more and more as they e-mailed back and forth and Sarah's husband was going to meet up with Jon down in Memphis when he was there for business. So far, not too weird, right?

This Tuesday, my brother Dan answered the door and standing there was Sarah. She announced, "Hi, I'm Sarah, you must be Dan." Dan's jaw dropped. The first questions we all thought was, "How did she find us and why is she here?" the next was, "Is she a crazy stalker who kill us in our sleep, poison our food and kidnap our children?"

Sarah had been praying that God would bring people along side our family to help us out. She said that she felt like God was telling her that she could be that help for our family. She said it wasn't her style to just show up like this, but after ignoring what she thought God was telling off a few times, she called her husband who told her that it must be God, because it wasn't the kind of thing Sarah would do. She jumped in the car and drove five hours by herself and showed up at my parent's house unannounced.

While she's been here, Sarah has offered herself up and she has cooked, cleaned, written thank you cards and anything else that needed to be done. She got a chance to see the Kurt Family first-hand in all it's glory, got a chance to sit with my Mom and see her life celebrated with our family. All in all, Sarah seems to have a great heart and is a very kind, loving person.

Is it all still a little creepy? Yeah, but not as much. I personally could never show up at a stranger's house and do what she did, but she has done a great job of hanging in the background and offering herself up to help and serve wherever she could. We're most thankful that she didn't steal any of the children or our wallets. We probably won't know if she wrote down our credit card numbers until much later. :)

My Mom's Sweater

My Mom loves her holiday sweaters. As a 62 year old woman, she can wear them. Apparently they don't look as good on me.

Libby

These pictures were taken as the little bird was singing "If you're happy and you know it..." as Libby screamed for all of the world to hear. We all found this very funny. Every time Libby cries, Jon explains that she's sick and that she never normally does this. We all chuckle knowingly and ask him to keep his daughter under better control.

My brother Jon teased our children mercilessly growing up. If our children were to cry, Jon would ask us to make them stop because it was annoying to him. He would ask why we were such bad parents and why we couldn't teach our children not to do this.

All of us are torn on how to treat Libby. She is beautiful and wonderful, but there's a part of all of us that want to get back at Jon. The problem is that it's really not fair to Beth or Libby. Jon is the Mother/Father of a first child and like all parents of first children, thinks it's the toughest thing in the world - having no idea what it's like to raise two or more kids at the same time. The best we can really do is sit back and laugh as Jon does typical "first time parenting" things. This annoys Jon while at the same time giving us some satisfaction.

I'm exhausted. Tired at the core. We spent the day with Mom, with friends and with family. There was a little downtime, which you can see Susan took full advantage of in the awesome picture above.

Mike & Micky came by and so did Chad, both friends from back in the days when Jon, Susan and I were involved in Campus Life/Youth For Christ. Mike and I were leaders together at Everett High School and Chad was the leader for Okemos for Jon, Susan and I. They just naturally became connected into the family.

We were talking tonight about what a big heart my Mom has. Here's a story that really exemplifies it for us:

Cathie and my Mom were walking through the Mall and went into Hudsons. My Mom saw a woman, ran up to her and hugged her. They both realized that neither of them knew the other, and they probably stayed in contact afterwards and sent Christmas cards to each other for years.

There are a million stories just like this about my Mom. She loves people and people connect to her because she is a very genuine person.

The toughest part of today for me was when my son Nate was here. Nate, Cathie, my Mom, Dad and I all hung out in the room for a half hour talking. Nate sat there holding my Mom's hand, talking about life. There were moments when he was trying so hard not cry and be strong in all of this. I was sitting behind him with tears running down my eyes just watching him. Nate and I went for a walk afterwards and talked about it. It's hard for him, but he gets it. We talked about how this is a part of life, it sucks, but learning to be sad, understand it and work through stuff like this is part of life, and part of becoming a man - which is slowly becoming in such a great way.

Jon

I came upstairs this morning and was greeted very seriously by my brother Jon:
Jon: "Dave, I think I understand why Mom is having a tough time telling what day it is."
Me: (Thinking he's got some bad news to tell me about Mom) "Why?"
Jon: "You've been wearing that shirt for a few days now. It's probably time to change it."

My Mom's Heart

Some people measure their lives in terms of the position they achieve, the money they make or the stuff they have. My Mom is a person who measures her life in terms of the number of people she loves and impacts in a positive way.

Throughout this past year, we've gotten a taste of the people my Mom has impacted. She has received so many cards, meals, prayer and support that it is really unbelievable. Maybe ridiculous is a better word. In a world that seems to be so self-centered, so many people have stepped up and done amazing kind gestures, small and large. My Mom has savored everyone of them and has been in awe of each of them. People sent her cozy bathrobes, cards, pictures and meals. People have brought her books, driven her to chemotherapy and called and shared their love.

Even in this time where my Mom's body is quitting on her, she is radiating this joy and beauty from every fiber of her being. Even in her pain, she still has a smile on her face. 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 fits her well here:

16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

I read Beth's sister Laura's blog earlier today, and think it's a great example of how many lives my Mom has touched. This is one of many:

It's been a tumultuous and challenging 12 months for the Kurt family, and I don't think that even begins to describe it. Many of you have been praying for my brother-in-law Jon and his family as his mom has been fiercely battling pancreatic cancer. I thought I'd take a few minutes to tell you about Mrs. Kurt:

Beth and Jon have been married 10 years and dated for several years prior to that. Having said that, I've had the privilege of knowing the Kurt family for many years. I actually worked with Mrs. Kurt at Eddie Bauer on a couple of different occasions in college, once during the holidays and again during a summer. From the day we met, it was not unusual to be greeted with a hearty hug any time our paths crossed. Her home was always open to us and as 'extended family,' we were (and still are) often invited and strongly encouraged to come to Kurt family functions and parties.

Fast forward several years....I will never forget the phone call that I received from Mrs. Kurt when she learned that Paul and I were expecting a baby. You would have thought she was to be a grandma again. She was so excited for us and read to me Psalm 139 (the entire chapter) over the phone.

I later received a package from her that included a small plastic baby at 3 months gestation, and a description of all the miraculous ways the baby was growing and developing at such an early age. Truly every child is a gift of God. I know that Mrs. Kurt believes this with all of her heart. When Elise was born, Mrs. Kurt came by to meet her. I will never forget the way she held Elise with a look of adoration and love. "What a beautiful baby!"

When it came time for Libby (my niece) to join the Kurt family, Grandma and Papa Kurt traveled to Memphis to be present for the big day. Paul, Elise and I were there too. Because Bethie was scheduled for a C-section, we were unable to be there when Libby was born but that didn't stop Grandma Kurt. At the appointed time, Grandma, Papa and Auntie Laura sat in the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity, waiting for some news (any news) of Libby's arrival. Grandma was absolutely beside herself as she waited to see her newest granddaughter. She even attempted to schmooze the nurses into giving us information....Unfortunately without success, but the nurses learned about her family and all of her grandbabies in the process.

One of the most beautiful things about the last 12 months is to see the love and dedication of her family and friends as they have gone through this experience with her. Dave and Susan have some entries in their blogs that will make you both laugh and cry. Be inspired! This family is one of a kind! And Mrs. Kurt will truly be missed! We love you!

Dan's Skin Tag

My brother Dan has had this little fella hanging from his eye. We thought it was a bread crum, but it's not. Dan named him Ernie, but it's really a skin tag. My sister-in-law Beth is a doctor and highly qualified to snip the little fella. Of course, nothing happens without a camera present, and I think we captured the moment and the close-up nicely.

Mom - Wednesday

What a great day today. It seems strange to say that in the midst of what's going on, but it was a day that I will hold in my heart. Noel, Mike and Cathie's parents came by tonight. Each spent about an hour hanging out and talking with my Mom, reminiscing and talking about what's going on in their lives. Cathie's parents and I sat with my Mom remembering back to Cathie and I's engagement and wedding. Even in the midst of pain meds, my Mom is sharp and her memory is working pretty good most of the time. She amazes me with the things she remembers. I setup a video camera in the room and I've been taping my Mom in moments as she tells some of her stories, to preserve them somehow. Every word that comes from her mouth is filled with joy, graciousness and thankfulness. She could choose to be so bitter and angry, but instead she is filled with Joy to the core. She has blessed so many people's lives, but she looks at it from the perspective of how many more people have blessed her.

In the midst of today there were kids running around, people all over, laughing, crying and reminiscing. I hate thinking of a world without my Mom. She's always carried the torch for our big family gatherings that we do all of the time, and I can't imagine a get together without her. We are a family of stories, though. It's part of who we are. We love to tell stories about what's happened in our lives, which is probably why my siblings and I all have blogs. The stories and pictures that we have will keep my Mom's memory alive for a long time. My Mom's friend Sherry is a part of our family who tells the stories of my Mom with just a joy and laughter that you can't help but smiling. We've already told her that whether she wants it or not, she's in the family - and as Will can attest to - once you're in, you never get out.

The present moment is great, but when I think forward to where this is going, it's going to be tough. I can't think about it without crying. It's so hard to talk about what my Mom's funeral will be like, seeing her obituary that she's already written. It's a reality, though. My Mom described the dress she wanted to buried in to Susan, who instead said she had other ideas for an outfit, and proceeded to bring out this ugly flannel jumper:

We just finished up sitting with my Mom again, telling stories, laughing and joking. Beth, Will, Jon, Dad and I stayed up until 12:15am, sitting around Mom's bed talking about everything from our family values to funny stories from my Mom and Dad's days together. We heard stories about how bad of a cook my Mom was when she first married my Dad to retelling the stories of how i caught my room on fire with fireworks and Jon had to help me hide the mess. We talked about heaven and what and who she'll see. We laughed so much tonight, all in the midst of grilling Will on why he hasn't popped the question to Monaca and set a date.

Monaca

This was on Monaca's blog today. Monaca is Will's potential future fiancee, but Will hasn't popped the question yet, even though it is one of my Mom's last requests. Monaca has received the thumbs up from my entire family, including my Grandma, who is the toughest of all of us. She and Will came to visit my Mom yesterday, and her entry touched me.

Today Will and I went to visit Mom Kurt. I had told myself that I wasn't going to cry, but failed miserably. She is someone that I wish I knew much better than I do. I can tell by her family that she is a remarkable woman full of strength, grace generosity and love. Her life resembles the heart of Jesus more than anyone I have ever met. You can sense it with out her even saying anything. I hope that everyone has an opportunity to meet someone like this in their lifetime. It is a humbling experience.

My job constantly reminds me of the brokenness of society, of families and of people. The Kurt family has reminded me of what God intended family to look like. All of the Kurt households are filled with love and laughter and a genuine concern not only for each other, but for everyone around them that is rare to find. I have been more loved and accepted by this group of people than by some of my own family. I don't have words to express how overwhelming that is to me. I hope that some day I am able to be the mother of a family that resembles this one.

She prayed for Will and I before there was an "us". It amazes me how God works like that. I spent so many years confused and praying that God would bring someone into my life, not just anyone, but a specific person with a good heart who loved Him, and to know she was praying for the same thing for Will just reminds me of how big our God is.

At times like these it is hard to understand the plan that God has. I do pray that he will be the comfort, strength and peace for the entire family right now and help them to celebrate the amazing gift they have in their mom.

Will

This post about my Mom was on my friend and adopted brother Will's blog. I read it to my Mom today and had a tough time getting through it:

After class, Monaca and I had lunch at McAlister's Deli, and then we spent the afternoon at Mom and Dad Kurt's house. We got to talk to Mom Kurt for a little while, and let her know what a blessing she has been to both of us. She has such a big smile on her face, and has such a sense of humor. She seems very much at peace. I find myself in awe of her strength and faith. I hope that someday I could have just a measure of her faith in Christ.

If you don't know my story, I accepted Christ 10 years ago last month. It was during my fifth year of college, and was due in large part to one of my best friends, Dave. After a barbecue at Dave's house where I met Noel and Mike, I saw something in their friendship that I lacked in my life. There was some quality, maybe joy, that was just so attractive to me. I wrote Dave an email that night thanking him and remarking on what I observed. "Lucky" enough, he and Noel were having lunch the next day in East Lansing, and would I care to join them? I can only describe those few hours as the "full court press," "tag team," or "the used car salesman" approach to evangelism. I can't be 100%, but I'm pretty sure that the question, "what will it take to get you into salvation today?" was used during our afternoon discussion about Jesus. Within about a week or two of that afternoon with Dave and Noel, I asked Christ into my life while walking down Shaw Lane. I had come to the conclusion that I could no longer continue the path I was on and that I needed Him to guide me.

Now, from what I just told you, it would seem that Dave's involvement in leading me to Christ was a two to maybe three week deal. Not even close. About a year before the barbecue, Dave and I had been working together in Detroit, and on our way to lunch, he asked me what I believed in. At that time, I was an agnostic, claiming that the truth about God was unknowable. I was raised as a skeptic, and frankly, I saw most Christians in the light of Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker, and Jerry Falwell (note: after becoming a Christian, I still don't really care for this archetype of Christian, although Jim Bakker seems to have gotten his head on straight since going to prison). Well, between that conversation and the moment I accepted Christ over a year later; Dave, his friends, his church, and his family prayed that I would come to know Jesus. One of the people praying was Mom Kurt. This afternoon she told me that it was funny, but all that time ago, she knew that she was praying for one of Dave's friends, but had no idea who I was.

Over the past 8 years or so, I have become increasingly close to Dave's extended family. Mom and Dad Kurt have played a large part in making me feel welcome (even expected) at Kurt family functions. And let me tell you, there are a LOT of Kurt family functions. They celebrate every holiday together, and get together for all the kids' birthdays. These times are all raucously fun, filled with laughter and children screaming (10 grandchildren, age 10 and under) and the occasional crying child if Uncle Jon is around. Mom Kurt has always been the first to offer me a smile and a big hug, and to heap praise on me. Practically since the first few times I met her, Mom Kurt has been praying for the right girl to come along because she always thought I would make such a wonderful husband and a good dad. Early on, she even played matchmaker, but respectfully retreated when her choices and I didn't quite hit it off. To be fair to Mom Kurt, pretty much every woman in my life who tried to hook me up gave up a long time ago.

It wasn't too long after Dave added his prayers to Mom Kurt's when Monaca and I started dating almost a year ago (1 year, Oct. 19th!) . If there is something that Mom Kurt has passed on to Dave, it is a fervent belief in the power of prayer and the commitment to actually pray when they say they will. I am humbled by the love and faith that this has demonstrated to me over the years. About a month after we started dating, Monaca accompanied me to the Kurt Family Thanksgiving. That evening, I was notified that Monaca had the Mom Kurt stamp of approval. I know that Monaca, this wonderful woman that I love, is a gift from God, and an answer to Mom Kurt's prayers. For that I cannot be thankful enough.

At a time when I was a fledgling Christian, and when the pain of my parents' divorce had made me question whether marriages last, Mom and Dad Kurt and their family welcomed me in from the cold and wrapped me with all the love and support that I could ask for. Their marriage and my adoptive tight knit family have embodied hope and provided an example for me. I am so thankful to be a Kurt. Thank you, Mom Kurt. I love you.

The Kurt Family Portrait

My niece Allie is quite the artist. She made this picture for my Grandma. Andrew has a very pointy head and Allie was very generous with the amount of Grandpa's hair.

More Family Pictures

Look at this picture very closely. You'll notice that one of the children is cross-eyed. There's a great story behind it. When we got these pictures taken, I thought it would be funny to cross my eyes right before the photographer had us say "cheese" for each shot. We got the pictures back weeks later and every shot had me cross-eyed. We ended up stuck with them, but they make a great family story.


This is one of those pictures that we asked my parents, "What were you thinking?" today. My brother Dan has always had a sort of God-complex as the oldest brother (he believed most of the time that he was our father with all of the privileges vested in that position). Apparently when the photographer suggested they take a pictures of Dan hovering overhead like God, my parents thought it was a great idea and went with it. Again, it makes for a great story.

Nate and Mom

Nate had a pretty rough day today. After Cathie and the kids got home, Cathie and Nate were talking some more about what's going on with my Mom. They got to talking about how Nate's Aunt Bethie works at St. Jude's Cancer Hospital in Memphis as a doctor. They were talking about some of the research that's done there, and Nate committed to Cathie that he wanted to start giving his allowance to the pancreatic cancer researchers so that no other kid's would have to be sad and lose their grandma's from this disease. Nate told Cathie that he if Grandma was healthy and lived in Memphis, she would be at that hospital every day, praying for every one of the kids, giving their parents hugs and slipping the kids candy when no one was looking. At the end, he told Cathie that he'd be willing to have his stomach pains for the rest of his life if it meant healing Grandma.

Maddie and Nate made these bracelets for my Mom. One says Faith, Hope and Love and the other says "We Love You".

My Mom and I

I love this picture. Anne took it at Jason and Jess's wedding and I received it as a gift. I in turn gave it to my Mom as a Christmas gift, which as you can imagine, she loved.

Cathie, the kids and I came down to see my Mom today. I'm staying here at the house with my parents for the next few days, working in between spending time with my family. Jon, Beth and Libby are here from Memphis as well. We've been spending time with my Mom, hanging out, reminiscing about our family growing up, trying to soak up our time with her. She's spending even more time sleeping, but she's still aware of what's going on around her. I hate to see her like this, but I love the time with her. I was sitting next to her today as she was sleeping and a wave of saddness overtook me. My Mom grabbed my hand, looked into my eyes and told me how proud she is of me, how special I am to her and how much she loves me. I love this time with her and I'm trying to seal every moment in my heart. One of the toughest things for me today as a Dad was to be there with Nate as he said his goodbyes to my Mom. Part of me hates to expose him to some of this. Nate has always had such a special connection with my Mom and this has been hard for him from the beginning. He' grieving through it step by step, but I hate to see him hurt like this.

Will and Monaca came by to see my Mom. She worked them over hard to get a wedding date, but no luck. My Mom would love to be at Will's wedding almost as much as Will's own Mom.

I spent some time over at my Grandma's house and sat there listening to her stories. My Grandma is almost 90 and is sharp as a fox. She was telling me stories of how my Mom first met her Dad at the train station coming back from WWII when she was 21 months old. She told me stories of how my Mom trained to be a flight attendant and of how she met and dated my Dad.

Em & Mom

I love this picture my Mom and her little princess.