Post Funeral

After the funeral we went back to my parents, changed and hung out. It was a little strange having all of these black Cadillac Sedans from the funeral home caravaning through the neighborhood and dropping us off at my Dad's house.

We were all looking forward to giving Sherry a gift that we'd bought as a family for Sherry. In my Mom's last days, we asked her what her favorite "Sherry memory" was. Even though there are a million, my Mom's favorite, and one of our families favorite was when Sherry was picking up a National Speaker for an event at the Lansing airport to head to my parent's house in Okemos. She called my Mom from Grand Rapids, an hour in the opposite direction. Sherry has zero sense of direction and frequently calls the family for directions to places she's been a million times. We love her for this. It's part of what makes Sherry, Sherry.

My Dad started things off saying in a pretty serious way, "Sherry, the phone calls for directions just have to stop." Pause. We presented her with a Garmin Car GPS system. We hooked it up for her and took her for a ride, showing her how it works. Sherry was most impressed that it didn't shame her for making a wrong term, instead just saying "re-calculating". She loved it and we were all excited for her. This will give her back hours in the day from getting lost and hundreds of dollars in gas.

Update: I talked to Sherry today and she was raving about how it worked for her. She told me how she used it to get to Subway, but when she left, it kept routing her back to Subway. She said it only took five minutes for her to figure out that's what it was doing. When I set it up with the address to my Dad's house, I must have programmed it for their neighbors. My parents in on the right, there house is on the left. Jon told Sherry how proud he was that she didn't turn into their house, but went to the right place, even though the GPS told her differently.

We headed over to Cathie's parents to pick up the kids. One of their neighbors had seen Cathie's family getting out of the car in black and proceeded to bring a gigantic chicken dinner for everyone. Again, people's kindness and generosity just blow me away.

Looking back on the past week with my family, I would count it as one of the saddest, but one of the best weeks in my life. I had a chance to spend such an intense with my whole family non-stop. For some people, that would be considered hell. For me, it was fantastic. We laughed together, cried together and told stories together. We never fought, never argued. We consoled each other, shared tough times and loved each other in a way I'll never forget.

Mom's Funeral

Yesterday was my Mom's funeral. Ugh. It was hard. Really hard, starting with walking in the church. It proceeded to be a series of hard moments, mixed with small moments of joy in between. There were so many people at the funeral to the point that it was standing room only in the church. I saw a baby sitter from 30 years ago who had heard, friends from church, friends from work (including my boss, John, who gets the award for traveling the furthest distance. He flew up from NC to be at my Mom's funeral). All of our spouse's extended families came from all over. People really made big sacrifices to be there, like Ed & Stacy who were in different states, re-routed their plans, met up together and bought clothes when they got here. This is just one of a lot of stories of people who made a huge effort to be there because my Mom was special to them.

Walking into the sanctuary started my tears going and they kept coming. The funeral started with bagpipes, which I love. We had them at my Grandpa's funeral and my Great Grandma's funeral (both being natively from Scotland) and I love the sound of them, but it was sad to hear them. I overheard my 5 year old Emily behind me after the bagpipe player finished: "Wow, I'm glad that's done", which made me smile.

I was selected as the mouth of the family to eulogize my Mom (I'm sure my siblings meant mouthpiece, but they kept saying I was the "mouth" of the family. Go figure). I shared what an abundant life my Mom had and how it radiated from her in how she loved babies, loved the people around her, love stories, loved to celebrate, and loved God in a mighty way. I made it through most of it without crying. Her amazing life made it so easy to share her story. Most of all, I know that my Mom would have wanted people to know that she was not able to pour out her life the way she did without having a firm foundation and the love of God constantly pouring into her, so I shared that.

We joked with my Dad that this was the best our family has ever been in church. Typically on Christmas Eve, the whole family goes together, taking up 2 rows at my Mom's church. An average Christmas service at St. Luke involves us poking each other, whispering back and forth, mocking each other and trying to burn each other and their church program during the candle light portion of the service.

My Mom's pastor, Pastor Dave Davis shared a very cool sermon about my Mom as a leader in the world around her. As a side note, I've gotta say that I don't know a ton of Lutheran Pastors, but this guy rocked. I'd seen him before at Christmas at my Mom's church, but first met him when he was at my Grandma's visiting her. He had a sense of humor, great counsel and was very moved by by Mom's loss. If I was going to a Lutheran church, it'd be his.

At the end, we moved the casket out into the car. My friends Will, Noel and Mike and three of Sherry's four boys: Adam, Bill and Nate. Again, another tear-jerking moment in the process. We headed back in for a luncheon and got a chance to catch up with friends we hadn't seen in years and hear some more great stories on my Mom and catch up with people that I hadn't seen in forever. I saw one of my brother's friends who I knew from Campus Life that became a Catholic Priest who's now in Ann Arbor (I pumped him to see if he was part of the DaVinci Code Conspiracy) and looks like Friar Tuck - complete with beard and hair. It was good to catch up, but the circumstances to do it sucked.

We headed over to the graveyard for the burial. The last step in the process. Pastor Davis said a few words, we prayed and then said our tearful goodbyes. It was a very intimate setting and one of the first times I'd been in this situation at a cemetery. We all took roses from the casket, hugged and stood there silently for a minute. As we stood around the casket, I whispered to my Dad, "I'll be Mom would think it was funny if I stood in front of her casket and sung The Gambler acapella while Dan and Jon did the motions." We laughed together and then headed home.


Noel snapped this picture of my middle-daughter, Maddie, looking underneath the casket, and I later looked as well.

Jesus is with you....Always?

We came home to a lawn mowed by friends from church and our neighbors and a mysterious guest in my bathroom. On top of the toilet was this figurine of Jesus and a note: 'Lo, I am with you always.' And I thought I had a shy bladder before.....

Post Visitation Bar Fight

After the visitation, we went to bar in town for beers with my cousins from Iowa Jodi and Connie. Now in order to understand Connie and Jodi, you have to understand where they came from. My Dad grew up in a small town in Iowa - and I mean a small town. We loved going there as kids and hanging out on the farms and in downtown Bellevue, staying at my Grandma's house. In order to get us out of the house, my Dad would give us a few bucks and my brothers and I would walk up to the local store where they would ask us, "Who do you belong to?", meaning they knew we weren't local and they wanted to know our lineage. We'd let them know we were Raymond Kurt's son Jim's kids and they'd in turn share a story of how they knew my Dad, Grandpa or other relative. Our visits would actually make the local paper. We always got a kick out of the fact that everyone in Bellevue loved to sit in their garages in lawn chairs and watch the world go by in the evenings. You had to drive with one hand on top of the steering wheel in order to wave at every person you knew who drove by.

We'd make the eight hour trek to Iowa 3 or 4 times a year as kids, and now once a year for our family reunion. As we've gotten older, we've come to appreciate our cousins even more and really look forward to these get togethers. Connie and Jodi are farm girls, who my Mom loved dearly. We also ride them pretty hard about being from the sticks - until they came to Dewitt, MI for my Mom's funeral.

After the visitation, we invited them out for a beer at the local bar in town, Relli's. My Dad and the rest of my siblings and their spouses were all there along with Connie and Jodi, hanging out eating and drinking. Right in front of us, a bar fight breaks out - and we had front row seats for it. We sat there pretty amused watching the whole thing, except my cousin Jodi who tried to jump in. (She could have whooped them all. She's an Iowa farm girl after all).

The cops got there pretty quickly so I nonchalantly tried to get a picture of the whole thing. The bartender apologized and bought us all a round of drinks. Never a dull moment.

We stayed for a while, laughing hard and catching up, sharing stories about my Mom and other things. It was excellent. I just learned that my cousin Jodi was the number one sales person for all of Mary Kay, complete with Pink Cadillac and a gargantuan "diamond" ring from Mary Kay for the accomplishment.

We've got our family reunion coming up next year in Iowa and the theme is bib-overalls and farm hats. We can't wait.

Mom's Visitation

The visitation yesterday was strange. I've always been on the visitor side of things and it was strange to be the one people were visiting. I didn't really know what to do except stand around talk to people as they came in. I gave up trying to figure out whether to hug people or shake hands. It seemed every time I extended a hand to shake, people went for the hug, so I just defaulted to the hug. My Dad had a continual line of people waiting to talk to him and share how much my Mom meant to them.

So many people came to see my family. People I hadn't seen in forever. I saw old neighbors, co-workers of my Mom's, friends from church and people whose life she had touched in one way or another. My Mom had this way of making people feel special when she would meet them. She was so genuine and comfortable with who she was and so interested in everyone around her. She had a memory a mile long and remembered the smallest details about everyone there and ask you about those things 10 years later to see how you were with them. I heard so many wonderful stories of the way my Mom touched people's lives. I'm so proud of how she lived her life. I'm so proud to be her son and to call her my Mom. I hope my funeral is half of what my Mom's is.

Cathie and I were so touched by the friends of ours that made the trek from South Lyon. We had neighbors and a teacher come, along with a huge crew from our church. I had a number of current youth group kids, old youth group kids who've since grown up, friends and families all come and love us. Some had met my Mom, but most hadn't. My church showed up because they care about Cathie and I, and our grief is there grief, our loss is their loss. Their pain for us and their kind words healed my heart. It's tough for me to get that people care this much. Family after family from church made the hour plus drive to see us, just because they love us and wanted to show it in a tangible way. Wow. We had over 60 friends show up from South Lyon. It makes me feel pretty selfish at times as I've been too lazy or didn't want to be inconvenienced to attend a funeral or visitation. My brother Jon was very excited to see an elderly (she's 88 now) neighbor that he had a pretty significant crush on, making the whole event very special for him.

The whole visitation was incredibly draining, but really wonderful in a weird way. After the first two hours, we went home, I took a quick nap and we went back at it again. There were times as people shared things with me I would start to cry as the memories came forward and other times I laughed at the stories, hearing new aspects of my Mom that made me smile. I know people who are tremendously successful in business, make a fortune, have all kinds of power yet never change the world or impact people around them in a significant way. When I die, I hope to have a visitation that is half the celebration of life that my Mom's was.

Gratefulness

I hate to use churchy words like "blessed", but I don't know any other way to described the way people have taken care of my family in this whole process. I think a better word is "ridiculous", in a mouth gaping open, stunned kind of way that people have poured out kindness and grace. Over the past 11 months, people have done amazing things and have continued to go over and above over the past week. I never really understood why people brought food to people in times like this, but I now get it. We've had lots of family here at my Dad's (it strange not to say Mom and Dad's house) house and neighbors, family and friends have brought food over non-stop. I'm pretty sure I've put on about 10 lbs this week. The last thing you want to do in these times is to cook, clean and run out for food. My Mom got this kind of stuff. She was always the kind of person to bring food, gifts, notes or an offer of help to someone else.

I remember back 11 years ago when Cathie and I had a series of miscarriages. Prior to that, i didn't really get how significant of an event a miscarriage could be in someone's life. It sounds ignorant, but I didn't get how tough it is to lose a parent, and I didn't get how wonderful things like notes, food and kind words can lift your spirits when you're going through stuff like this.

Saturday

Yesterday was a weird day. My Dad, brothers and I had to go and talk to my Grandma about my Mom's death. Cathie and I went to talk to our kids also. Yesterday was Gabe's birthday and we wanted to make sure it remained special. Kevin and I took the kids to see the movie Open Season and then went to the Park for pizza.

Even in the midst of sadness, there was joy.

And rest.

And cleaning.

Last night, Jon, Beth, Dan, Dad, Will, Monaca, Kevin and I all went to the local Irish pub for a beer. We all waited with anticipation to see how Will ordered his beer. Will has been to Ireland, and with that comes a special belief that by entering an Irish pub in the US he will magically be transported to Ireland. Anytime we go to an Irish pub, Will orders a Guinness by asking for a "pint" just like in Ireland. We all held our breath as the waitress asked the question that we all hoped she would: "A pint of what?" The whole family busted up.

Jon and Beth save the day

When it rains, it pours. Remember my earlier scooter picture? My 88 year old grandma was riding it today, ran into the wall and broke her ankle. Dr Jon and Dr. Beth came to the rescue and took her in to get it fixed and Jon saw fit to make us all laugh by sending this picture from the doctor's office. Jon is wearing an X-Ray protector thingy on his groinal region.

Emily Quote

"Dad, my name is really famous. It's on a magnet." -Emily, age 5

My Mom's Memorial Service & Visitation Details

My Mom's Obituary:

Lynn Kurt, age 62, safely walked into the arms of Jesus on October 6, 2006 after a long battle with pancreatic cancer. She was the daughter of Harry (deceased) and Agnes Smith; sister to Bill (deceased) and loving wife to Jim Kurt. Lynn was a Proverb 31 woman who will be missed by all, until we are all reunited with her in Heaven.

Jim and Lynn have been blessed with four children who married wonderful spouses: Daniel & Kris Kurt; David & Cathie Kurt; Jonathan & Beth Kurt and Susan & Kevin Mayes. Lynn loved spending time with her grandchildren. They are Matthew, Nathaniel, Andrew, Madeline, Stephen, Gabriel, Emily, Allison, Benjamin and Libby.

She spent her life in service to others. Her passion was protecting unborn children through Right to Life, Lutherans for Life, Pregnancy Services of Greater Lansing and the Republican Party.

Lynn was involved in her church, St. Luke Lutheran, and felt greatly blessed by the members. A special thanks to her best friend and shopping buddy, Sherry, who has given unselfishly of herself in caring for Lynn and her family.

A memorial service will be held Monday, October 9, 2006 at 11 a.m. at St. Luke Lutheran Church, 5589 Van Atta Road, Haslett with Pastor Dave Davis officiating. The family will receive friends from 2 to 4 and 6 to 8 p.m. on Sunday, October 8, at the Gorsline-Runciman Funeral Home, 205 E. Washington Street, DeWitt.

In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made to: Lutherans for Life, Pregnancy Services of Greater Lansing, or PanCan Research in memory of Lynn.

Susan's Brother Dave

My baby-sister Sooze had such nice things to say about me, I'm quoting them here because I want to savor these words forever.

My brother, Dave, never seizes to amaze me. I think he has 2 spiritual gifts:

1. To make people feel very awkward in a normal situation or...

2.To make people not feel awkward at all in a very awkward situation

During this time with my mom this week, Dave has really stepped up to the plate. At a time, when even I feel weird, he can walk into the room and make everyone feel comfortable.

Now most of you know, this is not usually how Dave is. Normally, his goal is to see if he can make everyone in the room feel as uncomfortable as possible. 99% of the time, he succeeds.

It's pretty cool to see him like this. He just seems to know what to say at the right time and even the right way to say it. (Very unusual for him to actually use this the right way)

My Mom is Gone

My Mom is gone. She died tonight around 11pm. We were all there with her as her soul went to heaven and her body became an empty shell. She was at peace. She knew where she was going. I've never experienced anything like this in my life. There's a part of me racked with grief and another part of me that is glad she's not hurting any more. We have so many wonderful stories, memories and pictures to keep her memory alive in our family.

We were talking tonight about my Mom being in heaven. We believe that she will either be the greeter at the gates, welcoming people in and telling them where to eat or she will work in a giant heavenly nursery, holding the babies.

My Dad is without his wife of 40 years. My siblings and I are without a Mom. Our kids will miss their grandmother like nothing else. Sherry is without a sister and best friend. My grandmother now has no surviving children. So many people lose in this deal.

I keep thinking about this verse:

13Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. 14We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. (1 Thes 4:13-14)

As I sat there with my Mom at the end, I was thinking about what race she has run. She lived life to the fullest, she loved God deeply and she loved people so very, very well. I want to run the race like she did. Serving others, loving the hard to love and helping the helpless. I admire and love my Mom so much. She modeled this for me. She trained hard, she didn't run aimlessly. She got the prize:

24Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

25Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

I am sad. It hurts. I don't understand it, but buried beneath the saddness is a relief and happiness for where my Mom is at and for this week with her that I have locked away in my heart forever.

Mom - Friday Night

My family is here at my parents house, here for the last moments of my Mom's life. We're all in the bedroom with her. We're crying, laughing, praying and sitting quietly thinking and watching my Mom. The end is near. I'm just thankful it's not really the end.

Em at the Schultz's

The Kohne's were kind enough to let Maddie stay over last night and the Schultz's watched Emily last night. As sad as I feel, I can't help smiling when I look at this picture.

My Mom

My Mom is fading quickly. The Hospice nurse came today and said that the end is coming soon, likely in the next 24 hours. I am very sad, but I have this joy in me from what I've experienced with my Mom and the rest of my family this week. It's a weird contradiction. I have things locked in my heart from this week that will be with me forever.

I sat by my Mom's bed this morning reading her some of her favorite Psalms. She's not responsive to us any more, but when I stopped reading, she lifted an eyebrow to tell me to keep going. She's radiating such a beauty even though the cancer tried to take it from her. I am sad.

Riding Grandma's New Chair

My Grandma got this new scooter and she has not wanted anyone to look at it or touch it. Dan tried to ride it the other day and got yelled at, after he got done breaking her TV (he turned the volume down and didn't show her how to turn it back up again). Beth and I were over visiting yesterday and when she left the room for a second, I was able to take it for quick ride.

Stroller Ride

My brother Dan and I decided to take Libby and Ben out for a walk and get out of the house. We walked through the neighborhood until Dan had the bright idea to take the strollers on the wood-chip covered nature trail. It was like plowing a dirt field the wheels of the stroller. Libby cried without her Mom and Dad nearby. Ben just loved the attention.

The whole thing tired Dan and Ben out.

Dr. Bethie

My sister-in-law Beth (she's just like a real sister, but if I referred to her as that and to her husband Jon as my brother, it would be strange to people) is a phenomenal doctor. She is doing her fellowship at St. Jude's Children's Hospital in Memphis in hemotology and oncology. She is one of the smartest people you'll ever meet tempered by the fact that she's one of the kindest and most humble people you'll ever meet. Jon clearly married up. Way up.

She was featured in a Memphis magazine as an up-and-coming doctor that talked about why she'd chosen to live in Memphis. Beth and I were over at my Grandma's yesterday and I read the article to my Grandma, adding in a few lines to the effect of, "Dr. Kurt attributes much of her success to her brother-in-law Dave who has been both an inspiration and source of strength in her journey towards healing others." My Grandma didn't buy it.

Sarah

This story is a little strange, but it's tempered with enough love and kindness that you probably won't be too creeped out. Before I share it with you there are two important things to know about the Kurt family:
1. We are very inclusive about adding people to our family
2. We love good stories

A few months back, a person named Sarah started reading our family's blogs. She left some nice comments on them and started e-mailing back and forth with a few of us. Her and Susan got to know each other more and more as they e-mailed back and forth and Sarah's husband was going to meet up with Jon down in Memphis when he was there for business. So far, not too weird, right?

This Tuesday, my brother Dan answered the door and standing there was Sarah. She announced, "Hi, I'm Sarah, you must be Dan." Dan's jaw dropped. The first questions we all thought was, "How did she find us and why is she here?" the next was, "Is she a crazy stalker who kill us in our sleep, poison our food and kidnap our children?"

Sarah had been praying that God would bring people along side our family to help us out. She said that she felt like God was telling her that she could be that help for our family. She said it wasn't her style to just show up like this, but after ignoring what she thought God was telling off a few times, she called her husband who told her that it must be God, because it wasn't the kind of thing Sarah would do. She jumped in the car and drove five hours by herself and showed up at my parent's house unannounced.

While she's been here, Sarah has offered herself up and she has cooked, cleaned, written thank you cards and anything else that needed to be done. She got a chance to see the Kurt Family first-hand in all it's glory, got a chance to sit with my Mom and see her life celebrated with our family. All in all, Sarah seems to have a great heart and is a very kind, loving person.

Is it all still a little creepy? Yeah, but not as much. I personally could never show up at a stranger's house and do what she did, but she has done a great job of hanging in the background and offering herself up to help and serve wherever she could. We're most thankful that she didn't steal any of the children or our wallets. We probably won't know if she wrote down our credit card numbers until much later. :)

My Mom's Sweater

My Mom loves her holiday sweaters. As a 62 year old woman, she can wear them. Apparently they don't look as good on me.

Libby

These pictures were taken as the little bird was singing "If you're happy and you know it..." as Libby screamed for all of the world to hear. We all found this very funny. Every time Libby cries, Jon explains that she's sick and that she never normally does this. We all chuckle knowingly and ask him to keep his daughter under better control.

My brother Jon teased our children mercilessly growing up. If our children were to cry, Jon would ask us to make them stop because it was annoying to him. He would ask why we were such bad parents and why we couldn't teach our children not to do this.

All of us are torn on how to treat Libby. She is beautiful and wonderful, but there's a part of all of us that want to get back at Jon. The problem is that it's really not fair to Beth or Libby. Jon is the Mother/Father of a first child and like all parents of first children, thinks it's the toughest thing in the world - having no idea what it's like to raise two or more kids at the same time. The best we can really do is sit back and laugh as Jon does typical "first time parenting" things. This annoys Jon while at the same time giving us some satisfaction.

I'm exhausted. Tired at the core. We spent the day with Mom, with friends and with family. There was a little downtime, which you can see Susan took full advantage of in the awesome picture above.

Mike & Micky came by and so did Chad, both friends from back in the days when Jon, Susan and I were involved in Campus Life/Youth For Christ. Mike and I were leaders together at Everett High School and Chad was the leader for Okemos for Jon, Susan and I. They just naturally became connected into the family.

We were talking tonight about what a big heart my Mom has. Here's a story that really exemplifies it for us:

Cathie and my Mom were walking through the Mall and went into Hudsons. My Mom saw a woman, ran up to her and hugged her. They both realized that neither of them knew the other, and they probably stayed in contact afterwards and sent Christmas cards to each other for years.

There are a million stories just like this about my Mom. She loves people and people connect to her because she is a very genuine person.

The toughest part of today for me was when my son Nate was here. Nate, Cathie, my Mom, Dad and I all hung out in the room for a half hour talking. Nate sat there holding my Mom's hand, talking about life. There were moments when he was trying so hard not cry and be strong in all of this. I was sitting behind him with tears running down my eyes just watching him. Nate and I went for a walk afterwards and talked about it. It's hard for him, but he gets it. We talked about how this is a part of life, it sucks, but learning to be sad, understand it and work through stuff like this is part of life, and part of becoming a man - which is slowly becoming in such a great way.

Jon

I came upstairs this morning and was greeted very seriously by my brother Jon:
Jon: "Dave, I think I understand why Mom is having a tough time telling what day it is."
Me: (Thinking he's got some bad news to tell me about Mom) "Why?"
Jon: "You've been wearing that shirt for a few days now. It's probably time to change it."

My Mom's Heart

Some people measure their lives in terms of the position they achieve, the money they make or the stuff they have. My Mom is a person who measures her life in terms of the number of people she loves and impacts in a positive way.

Throughout this past year, we've gotten a taste of the people my Mom has impacted. She has received so many cards, meals, prayer and support that it is really unbelievable. Maybe ridiculous is a better word. In a world that seems to be so self-centered, so many people have stepped up and done amazing kind gestures, small and large. My Mom has savored everyone of them and has been in awe of each of them. People sent her cozy bathrobes, cards, pictures and meals. People have brought her books, driven her to chemotherapy and called and shared their love.

Even in this time where my Mom's body is quitting on her, she is radiating this joy and beauty from every fiber of her being. Even in her pain, she still has a smile on her face. 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 fits her well here:

16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

I read Beth's sister Laura's blog earlier today, and think it's a great example of how many lives my Mom has touched. This is one of many:

It's been a tumultuous and challenging 12 months for the Kurt family, and I don't think that even begins to describe it. Many of you have been praying for my brother-in-law Jon and his family as his mom has been fiercely battling pancreatic cancer. I thought I'd take a few minutes to tell you about Mrs. Kurt:

Beth and Jon have been married 10 years and dated for several years prior to that. Having said that, I've had the privilege of knowing the Kurt family for many years. I actually worked with Mrs. Kurt at Eddie Bauer on a couple of different occasions in college, once during the holidays and again during a summer. From the day we met, it was not unusual to be greeted with a hearty hug any time our paths crossed. Her home was always open to us and as 'extended family,' we were (and still are) often invited and strongly encouraged to come to Kurt family functions and parties.

Fast forward several years....I will never forget the phone call that I received from Mrs. Kurt when she learned that Paul and I were expecting a baby. You would have thought she was to be a grandma again. She was so excited for us and read to me Psalm 139 (the entire chapter) over the phone.

I later received a package from her that included a small plastic baby at 3 months gestation, and a description of all the miraculous ways the baby was growing and developing at such an early age. Truly every child is a gift of God. I know that Mrs. Kurt believes this with all of her heart. When Elise was born, Mrs. Kurt came by to meet her. I will never forget the way she held Elise with a look of adoration and love. "What a beautiful baby!"

When it came time for Libby (my niece) to join the Kurt family, Grandma and Papa Kurt traveled to Memphis to be present for the big day. Paul, Elise and I were there too. Because Bethie was scheduled for a C-section, we were unable to be there when Libby was born but that didn't stop Grandma Kurt. At the appointed time, Grandma, Papa and Auntie Laura sat in the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity, waiting for some news (any news) of Libby's arrival. Grandma was absolutely beside herself as she waited to see her newest granddaughter. She even attempted to schmooze the nurses into giving us information....Unfortunately without success, but the nurses learned about her family and all of her grandbabies in the process.

One of the most beautiful things about the last 12 months is to see the love and dedication of her family and friends as they have gone through this experience with her. Dave and Susan have some entries in their blogs that will make you both laugh and cry. Be inspired! This family is one of a kind! And Mrs. Kurt will truly be missed! We love you!

Dan's Skin Tag

My brother Dan has had this little fella hanging from his eye. We thought it was a bread crum, but it's not. Dan named him Ernie, but it's really a skin tag. My sister-in-law Beth is a doctor and highly qualified to snip the little fella. Of course, nothing happens without a camera present, and I think we captured the moment and the close-up nicely.

Mom - Wednesday

What a great day today. It seems strange to say that in the midst of what's going on, but it was a day that I will hold in my heart. Noel, Mike and Cathie's parents came by tonight. Each spent about an hour hanging out and talking with my Mom, reminiscing and talking about what's going on in their lives. Cathie's parents and I sat with my Mom remembering back to Cathie and I's engagement and wedding. Even in the midst of pain meds, my Mom is sharp and her memory is working pretty good most of the time. She amazes me with the things she remembers. I setup a video camera in the room and I've been taping my Mom in moments as she tells some of her stories, to preserve them somehow. Every word that comes from her mouth is filled with joy, graciousness and thankfulness. She could choose to be so bitter and angry, but instead she is filled with Joy to the core. She has blessed so many people's lives, but she looks at it from the perspective of how many more people have blessed her.

In the midst of today there were kids running around, people all over, laughing, crying and reminiscing. I hate thinking of a world without my Mom. She's always carried the torch for our big family gatherings that we do all of the time, and I can't imagine a get together without her. We are a family of stories, though. It's part of who we are. We love to tell stories about what's happened in our lives, which is probably why my siblings and I all have blogs. The stories and pictures that we have will keep my Mom's memory alive for a long time. My Mom's friend Sherry is a part of our family who tells the stories of my Mom with just a joy and laughter that you can't help but smiling. We've already told her that whether she wants it or not, she's in the family - and as Will can attest to - once you're in, you never get out.

The present moment is great, but when I think forward to where this is going, it's going to be tough. I can't think about it without crying. It's so hard to talk about what my Mom's funeral will be like, seeing her obituary that she's already written. It's a reality, though. My Mom described the dress she wanted to buried in to Susan, who instead said she had other ideas for an outfit, and proceeded to bring out this ugly flannel jumper:

We just finished up sitting with my Mom again, telling stories, laughing and joking. Beth, Will, Jon, Dad and I stayed up until 12:15am, sitting around Mom's bed talking about everything from our family values to funny stories from my Mom and Dad's days together. We heard stories about how bad of a cook my Mom was when she first married my Dad to retelling the stories of how i caught my room on fire with fireworks and Jon had to help me hide the mess. We talked about heaven and what and who she'll see. We laughed so much tonight, all in the midst of grilling Will on why he hasn't popped the question to Monaca and set a date.

Monaca

This was on Monaca's blog today. Monaca is Will's potential future fiancee, but Will hasn't popped the question yet, even though it is one of my Mom's last requests. Monaca has received the thumbs up from my entire family, including my Grandma, who is the toughest of all of us. She and Will came to visit my Mom yesterday, and her entry touched me.

Today Will and I went to visit Mom Kurt. I had told myself that I wasn't going to cry, but failed miserably. She is someone that I wish I knew much better than I do. I can tell by her family that she is a remarkable woman full of strength, grace generosity and love. Her life resembles the heart of Jesus more than anyone I have ever met. You can sense it with out her even saying anything. I hope that everyone has an opportunity to meet someone like this in their lifetime. It is a humbling experience.

My job constantly reminds me of the brokenness of society, of families and of people. The Kurt family has reminded me of what God intended family to look like. All of the Kurt households are filled with love and laughter and a genuine concern not only for each other, but for everyone around them that is rare to find. I have been more loved and accepted by this group of people than by some of my own family. I don't have words to express how overwhelming that is to me. I hope that some day I am able to be the mother of a family that resembles this one.

She prayed for Will and I before there was an "us". It amazes me how God works like that. I spent so many years confused and praying that God would bring someone into my life, not just anyone, but a specific person with a good heart who loved Him, and to know she was praying for the same thing for Will just reminds me of how big our God is.

At times like these it is hard to understand the plan that God has. I do pray that he will be the comfort, strength and peace for the entire family right now and help them to celebrate the amazing gift they have in their mom.

Will

This post about my Mom was on my friend and adopted brother Will's blog. I read it to my Mom today and had a tough time getting through it:

After class, Monaca and I had lunch at McAlister's Deli, and then we spent the afternoon at Mom and Dad Kurt's house. We got to talk to Mom Kurt for a little while, and let her know what a blessing she has been to both of us. She has such a big smile on her face, and has such a sense of humor. She seems very much at peace. I find myself in awe of her strength and faith. I hope that someday I could have just a measure of her faith in Christ.

If you don't know my story, I accepted Christ 10 years ago last month. It was during my fifth year of college, and was due in large part to one of my best friends, Dave. After a barbecue at Dave's house where I met Noel and Mike, I saw something in their friendship that I lacked in my life. There was some quality, maybe joy, that was just so attractive to me. I wrote Dave an email that night thanking him and remarking on what I observed. "Lucky" enough, he and Noel were having lunch the next day in East Lansing, and would I care to join them? I can only describe those few hours as the "full court press," "tag team," or "the used car salesman" approach to evangelism. I can't be 100%, but I'm pretty sure that the question, "what will it take to get you into salvation today?" was used during our afternoon discussion about Jesus. Within about a week or two of that afternoon with Dave and Noel, I asked Christ into my life while walking down Shaw Lane. I had come to the conclusion that I could no longer continue the path I was on and that I needed Him to guide me.

Now, from what I just told you, it would seem that Dave's involvement in leading me to Christ was a two to maybe three week deal. Not even close. About a year before the barbecue, Dave and I had been working together in Detroit, and on our way to lunch, he asked me what I believed in. At that time, I was an agnostic, claiming that the truth about God was unknowable. I was raised as a skeptic, and frankly, I saw most Christians in the light of Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker, and Jerry Falwell (note: after becoming a Christian, I still don't really care for this archetype of Christian, although Jim Bakker seems to have gotten his head on straight since going to prison). Well, between that conversation and the moment I accepted Christ over a year later; Dave, his friends, his church, and his family prayed that I would come to know Jesus. One of the people praying was Mom Kurt. This afternoon she told me that it was funny, but all that time ago, she knew that she was praying for one of Dave's friends, but had no idea who I was.

Over the past 8 years or so, I have become increasingly close to Dave's extended family. Mom and Dad Kurt have played a large part in making me feel welcome (even expected) at Kurt family functions. And let me tell you, there are a LOT of Kurt family functions. They celebrate every holiday together, and get together for all the kids' birthdays. These times are all raucously fun, filled with laughter and children screaming (10 grandchildren, age 10 and under) and the occasional crying child if Uncle Jon is around. Mom Kurt has always been the first to offer me a smile and a big hug, and to heap praise on me. Practically since the first few times I met her, Mom Kurt has been praying for the right girl to come along because she always thought I would make such a wonderful husband and a good dad. Early on, she even played matchmaker, but respectfully retreated when her choices and I didn't quite hit it off. To be fair to Mom Kurt, pretty much every woman in my life who tried to hook me up gave up a long time ago.

It wasn't too long after Dave added his prayers to Mom Kurt's when Monaca and I started dating almost a year ago (1 year, Oct. 19th!) . If there is something that Mom Kurt has passed on to Dave, it is a fervent belief in the power of prayer and the commitment to actually pray when they say they will. I am humbled by the love and faith that this has demonstrated to me over the years. About a month after we started dating, Monaca accompanied me to the Kurt Family Thanksgiving. That evening, I was notified that Monaca had the Mom Kurt stamp of approval. I know that Monaca, this wonderful woman that I love, is a gift from God, and an answer to Mom Kurt's prayers. For that I cannot be thankful enough.

At a time when I was a fledgling Christian, and when the pain of my parents' divorce had made me question whether marriages last, Mom and Dad Kurt and their family welcomed me in from the cold and wrapped me with all the love and support that I could ask for. Their marriage and my adoptive tight knit family have embodied hope and provided an example for me. I am so thankful to be a Kurt. Thank you, Mom Kurt. I love you.

The Kurt Family Portrait

My niece Allie is quite the artist. She made this picture for my Grandma. Andrew has a very pointy head and Allie was very generous with the amount of Grandpa's hair.

More Family Pictures

Look at this picture very closely. You'll notice that one of the children is cross-eyed. There's a great story behind it. When we got these pictures taken, I thought it would be funny to cross my eyes right before the photographer had us say "cheese" for each shot. We got the pictures back weeks later and every shot had me cross-eyed. We ended up stuck with them, but they make a great family story.


This is one of those pictures that we asked my parents, "What were you thinking?" today. My brother Dan has always had a sort of God-complex as the oldest brother (he believed most of the time that he was our father with all of the privileges vested in that position). Apparently when the photographer suggested they take a pictures of Dan hovering overhead like God, my parents thought it was a great idea and went with it. Again, it makes for a great story.

Nate and Mom

Nate had a pretty rough day today. After Cathie and the kids got home, Cathie and Nate were talking some more about what's going on with my Mom. They got to talking about how Nate's Aunt Bethie works at St. Jude's Cancer Hospital in Memphis as a doctor. They were talking about some of the research that's done there, and Nate committed to Cathie that he wanted to start giving his allowance to the pancreatic cancer researchers so that no other kid's would have to be sad and lose their grandma's from this disease. Nate told Cathie that he if Grandma was healthy and lived in Memphis, she would be at that hospital every day, praying for every one of the kids, giving their parents hugs and slipping the kids candy when no one was looking. At the end, he told Cathie that he'd be willing to have his stomach pains for the rest of his life if it meant healing Grandma.

Maddie and Nate made these bracelets for my Mom. One says Faith, Hope and Love and the other says "We Love You".

My Mom and I

I love this picture. Anne took it at Jason and Jess's wedding and I received it as a gift. I in turn gave it to my Mom as a Christmas gift, which as you can imagine, she loved.

Cathie, the kids and I came down to see my Mom today. I'm staying here at the house with my parents for the next few days, working in between spending time with my family. Jon, Beth and Libby are here from Memphis as well. We've been spending time with my Mom, hanging out, reminiscing about our family growing up, trying to soak up our time with her. She's spending even more time sleeping, but she's still aware of what's going on around her. I hate to see her like this, but I love the time with her. I was sitting next to her today as she was sleeping and a wave of saddness overtook me. My Mom grabbed my hand, looked into my eyes and told me how proud she is of me, how special I am to her and how much she loves me. I love this time with her and I'm trying to seal every moment in my heart. One of the toughest things for me today as a Dad was to be there with Nate as he said his goodbyes to my Mom. Part of me hates to expose him to some of this. Nate has always had such a special connection with my Mom and this has been hard for him from the beginning. He' grieving through it step by step, but I hate to see him hurt like this.

Will and Monaca came by to see my Mom. She worked them over hard to get a wedding date, but no luck. My Mom would love to be at Will's wedding almost as much as Will's own Mom.

I spent some time over at my Grandma's house and sat there listening to her stories. My Grandma is almost 90 and is sharp as a fox. She was telling me stories of how my Mom first met her Dad at the train station coming back from WWII when she was 21 months old. She told me stories of how my Mom trained to be a flight attendant and of how she met and dated my Dad.

Em & Mom

I love this picture my Mom and her little princess.

Our babysitter Tiffany has a Mac Powerbook with a camera mounted on it. The great thing with this camera is that it lets you take pictures in all sorts of crazy modes, including the following:

Night in the box

I went to check on the kids Sunday night and found Emily sleeping inside of this school bus, inside of a cardboard box. We never know where she's going to end up in her room at night.

My Mom

My Mom is moving towards the end of an eleven month battle with pancreatic cancer. She has fought so hard and battled through so much to get to this point. She has fought the fight against one of the toughest forms of cancer with a faith, a strength and optimism that I hope to have some day. My Mom has never doubted God's greatness or God's goodness in all of this. She has spent each day with a gratefulness for that day and clung to the smallest joys, appreciative of everything that people have done for her - never pitying herself in all of this. When I think of her faith throughout this, the lyrics to the hymn On Christ the Solid Rock come to mind:

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

My Dad has fought the fight right along side of my Mom and saying that I'm proud of him doesn't do it justice. I am in awe. After 40 years of marriage, my Dad has shown me how seriously he takes the "in sickness and in health" portion of his marriage vows. He has stood by my Mom, made her his top priority and served her tirelessly through everything she's gone through over the past 11 months, not to mention the rest of their marriage. He has been a model father and husband all of his life and I am so proud to have him as my Dad. I want to be that kind of man and that kind of husband someday. He is truly my hero and my role-model as a man.

This has sucked. I have had sadness in my life I've never experienced. I know people go through things like this every day, but I had no idea something like this could hurt so much. I don't know how I would get through this without my faith. I've thought a lot about this over the past months and spent a lot of time praying and dealing with God on this, trying to get a handle around suffering as a follower of Jesus. Throughout all of this, I have had to come back to these fundamental truths over and over again:

1. God loves my Mom with a love beyond what I can understand.
2. God is big enough to heal my Mom
3. God could heal my Mom if he wanted to
   
4. God has a perfect plan
5. I don't always get God's plan, but that doesn't change the first four tenants for me.
   

I've never gone through something this tough in my life. I am sad at the core of my being. I hate seeing my Mom, my Dad, my Grandma, my kids - my whole family go through this. I am thankful that we have such a close family and we can lean on each other and grow closer throughout this. It still sucks in a big way.



One bright light in all of this has been my Mom's friend Sherry Burmeister. Sherry has been my Mom's best friend for a long, long time - I think around 25 years or so. Sherry radiates joy about her in a way that you can't help but smile. She has a laugh that is contagious and her and my Mom are hilarious together. They have a friendship that is deep beyond explanation. Throughout my Mom's battle, Sherry has been there every step along the way. She reads to my Mom, she paints her toenails and gives her foot massages. One of Sherry's few flaws is a complete lack of a sense of direction. She frequently gets herself horribly lost trips across town. She has been known as "wrong-way" Burmeister for years. One time she was picking up a speaker for a conference from the airport in Lansing. She got on the expressway and before she knew it, she was in Grand Rapids, instead of Okemos. Oops. This is a weekly occurrence for Sherry, but we love her none-the-less and consider her a part of the family.

Family Picture

Cathie and I have been at my parents house today spending time with my family. Jon, Dan, Susan, Cathie, Sherry and I spent some time looking at old pictures in a giant bin. This was one of my favorite thanks to Susan's bangs, Jon's drugged out look and Dan's huge glasses. I'm wearing my favorite three-piece cordoroy suit with a clip-on time.

This Weekend

What a horrible week for sports in Michigan. U of M won, MSU lost, the Lions lost and the Spartans lost. The only bright spot in the weekend is that I crushed brad with a humiliating defeat in Fantasy Football. The Lions game was bittersweet because I had Jackson and Bulger on my team and every time they scored, I scored big.

I went to see Jackass 2 this weekend with Brad, Will and Eli. I have not laughed that hard in a long time, which felt great. Today turned into a beautiful day. I mowed the lawn and the kids played with friends, while Cathie met her friend Debbie for lunch in Howell. Maddie stayed over at her Grandma and Grandpa Lebbon's for the night and then met up with Cathie to hand her off. She had a blast seeing her Grandparents, Ed & Stacy and most of all their dog, Justice.

We got the kids down and I made a fire in the fireplace on our deck and we sat outside, enjoying the nice fall weather.

Snakey

While I was mowing the lawn today, I found this tiny little gardner snake. Emily loves animals of all kind, including bugs, worms and snakes. Emily has a wonderful naming convention for everything - it's very complex. For a pink bear - she calls it 'pinky'. For a pet frog, she calls it 'froggy', and you can guess that the snake would be called - 'snakey'.

She carried this snake around for a while, showing the neighborhood boys. Growing up, we used to bring all sorts of snakes and frogs home. My Mom doesn't like either, but she always pretended to be interested in what we'd bring home and shared our excitement about findings.

Emily is a great contrast: a girly, girl who loves to wear dresses - yet loves snakes, bugs and any other living creature.

Peanut Butter and Salami

This is odd. Emily's sandwich of choice today for lunch was a peanut butter and salami sandwich. Peanut butter and bananas I can see - but salami? She must have gotten this from Cathie's side of the family.

10 or so things about my Mom

10 Things about my Mom:

1. She's one of the few people that are allowed to call me David.
2. She has asthetically-challenged, but very talented toes. She can pick things up with them and pull weeds with them.
3. Over the past 15 years she has kept a journal on her vacations, writing down everything they did, everywhere they stayed, and most importantly - where and what they ate.
4. My Mom was on the front page of the Detroit News when she met her father (my grandpa) for the first time as he came home from the war.
5. My Mom collects teapots. She has a bazillion of them.
6. My Mom loves just about every food in the world except for brussel sprouts.
7. My Mom keeps a journal of every book she's read and the author of the book. She reads about 75 books a year.
8. My Mom has cross-stitched for a long time. She has made us at least ten different pieces, including one about computers and a sampler for our wedding.
9. My Mom has been there for the birth of every one of her grandchildren and in the delivery room for three of them (Maddie, Emily and Ben).
10. My Mom has read the whole bible every year for the past 20ish years.
11. My Mom has told this crazy 'Peanut butter stuck in my mouth' story, complete with voice inflection and motions, since I was a kid. She told it during our car talent shows and a few months ago, she told it to my kids while sitting at Scoopy Doos eating ice cream. It never ceases to make me laugh.
    

Most of all, my Mom is the woman in my life by whom all other women are measured. I married my wife because I saw in Cathie the potential to have the kind of relationship my Dad and Mom have, and saw in Cathie the ability to be a phenomenal Mom to our kids, like my Mom was and is to us. My Mom loves her grandchildren so much treating each one as if they are her favorite. She listens so attentively to every story they tell her and treats each gift from them - whether it's a scribble, a picture or a special rock, as a treasure.

My Mom is a woman with a giant heart for others. I remember when one of the kids in my youth group had cancer, my Mom would send her gifts, never having met her. She is an amazing woman of God who has prayed for me daily. Beyond that, she prays for friends of ours that she barely knows. She is where I got my optimistic outlook on life. For my Mom, not only is the glass half full, but it's probably full of the most wonderful drink in the world and will be full tomorrow. All throughout my Mom's battle with cancer, she rarely complained and never asked for pity. She has always looked on the bright side, reflecting that things could always be worse, and would likely be better tomorrow.